


Fallen for Some Other Guy (or Angel, whatever)

by TheHauntress



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 'coz it's more like 'parallel' though, Alternate Universe, Author's slightly original version of MoC, I'll rewrite it as soon as I can, M/M, MoC - AU, No one's dead in this fic, did I say 'alternate universe', done in haste, implied Gabriel's brotherly love for Cas, sorry if it's poorly written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-12 19:25:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9086677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHauntress/pseuds/TheHauntress
Summary: Dean doesn't like the fact that Castiel is right in front of him, kissing some other guy — or angel, whatever.And it's not like they're in their universe, anyway, so yeah, it doesn't really matter.   (UPDATED)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Castiel?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5590582) by [Grannahreadsenochian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grannahreadsenochian/pseuds/Grannahreadsenochian). 



> First one-shot!!!!! this one just doesn't leave me for DAYS now (I really think it's haunted..)
> 
> To the avid readers of The Scientist, blame this fic (and many other fics stewing their asses in my pc) why I cannot get back to you.
> 
> Also, sorry for the shitty summary 'coz I really don't know how to create a summary for one-shots that wouldn't give away the story.
> 
>  
> 
> This is not YET finish. I repeat, NOT YET FINISH.
> 
> Yes, it was only a one-shot/ficlet/whatever but I'll post on this every once in a while. The ending of the story would be signaled by the lack of "… oOo …" at the end.

 

           If it has been days, Dean wouldn’t worry. I mean, the guy had been MIA for months after the apocalypse — not bothering at all to tell him that ‘hey, I’m alive and kicking, resurrected by God himself.’

 

           Yeah, well, if that’s the case, Dean  _really_  wouldn’t worry.

 

           Only, it’s not.

 

           And it’s loosely around a year now — two, if we’re gonna add the time Dean beat the shit out of Cas — since he ever saw the angel. And if it was some other time, say, Castiel was just visiting heaven like he used to before, Dean would just think ‘winged dickheads might’ve done something up there again. Hmm, I’m just gonna go make burgers.’

 

           But then again, it wasn’t.

 

           Castiel had been missing for a year or two now since Sam left him in the hideout where he keeps Rowena — just right before he came to him and Dean iced Death.

 

           And both of the Winchesters never knew what happened next. All they know is that whatever happened back there made Dean lose The Mark without unleashing the Darkness like Death had been on and on about.

 

           And it’s not like they didn’t search, because, boy, did they search. Every fucking place that Rowena and Castiel might go around and beyond the general vicinity of the hideout. Even to the extent of thinking that Castiel might be held prisoner by Rowena.

 

           Until, one day, much to the brothers’ chagrin, they decided to contact Crowley, because if anyone knows Rowena most, it’ll be her son.

 

           “Ah,” Crowley said in mock amusement as he opened his arms as if introducing an opening act of a play. “If it isn’t Moose and Squirrel.” He clapped his hands loudly and smiled mockingly. “Tell me, to whom do I owe the pleasure?”

 

           “Tell us where Rowena is.” Dean said, growling barely concealed but he managed by clenching his jaw. He was beginning to get tired of the question. Not to mention, it was not exactly what he truly wished to know.

 

           “Ah, well, Dean, see, when did you ever knew me to be a fan of Mommy? Eh?” He said, looking back and forth between the brothers. When none of the Winchesters answered, he continued, “Right. See? You get it. So how would I bloody know where the bloody hell she is!” He shouted, fuming with anger before regaining his prior composure.

 

           “What Dean actually mean is that, maybe, you have an idea as to her whereabouts.” Sam replied, his voice calm and definitely not wanting to test an angry Crowley.

 

           “Moose, if I do have an idea, that evil skank would be in hell by now. And no, it wouldn’t be because I locked her up.”

 

           Dean then raised his hands and kneaded his hair. This is fucking useless. Why did they ever think this would be worth the shot? Of course, Crowley wouldn’t know. Rowena wouldn't be careless enough to go flaunting around with her son, the King of Hell, hot on her trail.

 

           “Then, do you have any idea on what might’ve happened back in the warehouse? You’re supposed to be giving Rowena the last ingredient for the spell, right?”

 

           Crowley narrowed his eyes on Sam as if trying to look for something, then continued when he found nothing there, “Well, collecting the last ingredient for Mommy dearest spell to save little Squirrel here, I stayed long enough to watch her kill the one she loved most. When the spell is done, I bid farewell but much to my chagrin, I was held in place by her magic and, well, your angel knows what happened next.” He said.

 

           Dean turned to glare at Crowley as he clenched his jaw tight once more. It was by then that realization dawned to Crowley.

 

           “Bloody hell.” He muttered. “You are not with your angel.” He told Dean in amusement and that was the time Dean surged forward but stopped immediately by Sam’s arm, pushing him back to where he stood earlier.

 

           “You son of a bitch!” Dean yelled, raising his index and pointing it to Crowley. “If I knew that you are helping that bitch to lock Cas up, I’m gonna fucking kill you, I swear!”

 

           “If that evil skank ever  _has_  Castiel.”

 

           Both brothers stopped short from what they heard, looking at Crowley with twin expressions of confusion.

 

           “See, when Mommy cast an attack dog spell on your little angel — ”

 

           “Wait, what? Rowena cursed Cas?” Sam asked, baffled. And Dean can’t really blame him ‘coz what the fuck, since when can a witch curse an angel? “How was that possible?”

 

           “Well, all you need is a poor excuse of an angel with a well-spent grace and the Book of the Damned, which  _you_  had given to her, if I may remind you, and voila — you have a cursed angel at your service.”

 

           Sam visibly swallowed hard, probably tampering down the guilt he might be feeling after hearing that.

 

           “Anyway, Mommy cast an attack dog spell to Castiel, his eyes bled as he tried to kill me, all thanks to you, Samantha, then I escaped my meatsuit before he could stab me with the angel blade then… oh, that was about it.”

 

           “Where’s Cas now?” Dean asked impatiently. And Crowley just looked at him with a flat expression.

 

           “Have you been listening? Did you miss the part I escaped? Do you think after your angel was cursed to kill me and every other thing that bloody moves, I would stay behind and watch and perhaps think, ‘oh, hey, nice kill, Castiel. Keep up the good work.’” Crowley said, mockingly, anger underlying each word he spat on the brothers. “Well, sorry to disappoint you but I’m too busy keeping myself alive to bloody care to stick around and hang out with your bloody cursed angel!”

 

           “Okay, okay. We get it now, okay? Just… Can you find him?” Sam asked and Dean can see in his eyes that he’s already plotting for a leverage that Crowley could not resist.

 

           “What’s in it for me?” Crowley asked. “That angel tried to kill me. He stabbed my meatsuit. If anything else, I should be plotting my revenge against him, not helping to bring him back.”

 

           “We’ll bring Rowena to you.” Dean said in haste, because right now, he’d do anything — anything at all — to bring the angel back.  _His_  angel.

 

           “Ah, well, you make a truly interesting bargain. Really tempting. However, whatever it is that Mother does or will do is not a matter of import to me, anymore.” Crowley said, as a matter-of-factly. “After all, I have a Hell to run and much more important matters to attend to.” He smiled devilishly teasing at Dean before saying, “None of which deals with witch mothers or looking for a curse angel.”

 

           And just like that, he was gone.

 

           So much for hoping for the King of fucking Hell’s help.

 

           In the end, they end up with another pile of nada. Crowley has been their last resort and that only happened to be a dead-end. Not that Dean didn’t know this right from the start but hope has a funny way of poisoning your mind and decaying the logic left there away.

 

           So Dean just sat on his memory foam mattress, ignoring Sam for a whole day, ignoring the whole world outside the comfort of his four-cornered room.

 

           He sat up and paced back and forth. He’s been doing that a lot lately and well, it doesn’t ease his ever rising anxiety and panic whenever he thinks of reasons why Castiel hasn’t been back since then. And it certainly doesn’t help knowing that Cas is missing  _and_  cursed and probably wandering around God knows where  _alone_.

 

           Dean sighed as he flopped down the mattress, fingers threading his hair and pulling it in frustration.

 

_Fucking hell._

 

_Motherfucking hell._

 

           With one long exhale, Dean began, for the nth time since Cas has gone missing.

 

_Cas, you son of a bitch! It’s been two years. **Two years** , you asshole! I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what you did to rid me of The Mark and not unleash the fucking Darkness but for  **fucksake** , Cas!  **Please**. Answer me. Get your ass here in the bunker right fucking  **now**. If you unleashed something worse than the Darkness, then so be it. I’ll help you fix it, it’ll be like another milkrun. Just — Please, Cas.  **Please**._

 

           Dean waited and waited for that familiar flutter of wings but the only thing he heard was the deafening sound of silence of his room.

 

           “Fuck.” He muttered softly, angrily wiping the tears in his eyes. “Just — fuck.”

 

           “Well, you don’t need to sound so grateful.”

 

           Dean whipped his head so fast he wouldn’t be surprised if he broke his neck because that voice is so fucking familiar but not the one he was expecting.

 

           And there he is. Standing in his bedroom, wearing the same mischievous smile and mischievous glint in his golden eyes, standing tall (well, as tall as he can get by straightening his body) and proud with a sucker trapped in his right hand, right elbow resting on the back of his left palm as his left forearm draped across his chest, is none other than the archangel himself.

 

           The archangel they thought Lucifer had killed.

 

           “Surprise?”

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Okay, one more time, how are you alive exactly?”

 

           Gabriel gave his best bitchface to Sam as he put the sucker on his mouth once more. They’re now sitting in the living area (really, it’s just the room where the map table is) where Gabriel drew invisible Enochian sigils to prevent other angels from eavesdropping.

 

           “Lucifer smote me, yes, then, I don’t know what happened next but when I opened my eyes, I was trapped in Casa Erotica, which is why it took me so long to come back.” He said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 

           “And you know where Cas is?” Dean asked, cringing at how pathetically hopeful he sounds.

 

           “Well, I may or may not have an idea on where he is but that’s not what I came here for.”

 

           “Then what did  _you_  came here for?” Sam asked, stopping Dean before he could say that whatever it is Gabriel came for, so long as it is not Cas-related, is  _not_  important.

 

           Gabriel grinned triumphantly, proud that he’s going to be heard, the bastard. “Well, I came here to tell you to back off from finding Cassie.”

 

           “What?” The brothers both said at the same time. Sam sounds confused while Dean sounds infuriated.

 

           Apparently, that was hilarious in Gabriel’s books as he sniggered at them. “You heard me. Stop looking for him.”

 

           “Why would we do that and who are you to tell us to stop?” Dean said in gritted teeth because, really, not even John Winchester or God himself (if he does exist) could stop him from looking for his angel.

 

           “Dean, Dean, Dean.” Gabriel said with a  _tsk_  in a slow, teasing manner. “Have you ever stop to wonder why Cassie dear hasn’t come back yet?”

 

           “You have no fucking idea how many times—”

 

           “And have you ever once thought that maybe the reason why you can’t find him is because he doesn’t  _want_  to be found?”

 

           “Well,” Fuck. Dean never thought that for once. All he ever thought since Crowley said Cas was cursed was he might be in danger, locked up somewhere or simply cannot find his way back or too injured to come back but fuck, now that Gabriel said it, it kinda makes sense.

 

           I mean, if he was Cas, Dean would definitely stay the hell away from the Winchesters because they will no doubt come up with another Mark of Cain kind of thing or worst, another apocalypse.

 

           “But, nah, I’m just teasing ya.” Gabriel grinned wider upon seeing Dean’s shocked face. “Cassie loves you  _way_  too much to stay away from you.” He added, and Dean tried his best to ignore the butterflies inside him because  _that_  was a discussion for another day.  _It can wait_. Probably ‘til Cas comes back.

 

           Sam sighed, “Gabriel, do you have any  _other_  reasons as to why you came here?” He raised his brow and for a moment, Dean thinks that Sam might’ve had a plan with the Archangel…

 

           Nah, that can’t be true. I mean, sure Sam wasn’t surprised  _at all_  that Gabriel is alive but, eh, he’s probably just not ecstatic that the Trickster is alive and kicking. There couldn’t be anything more, right?  _Right?_

 

           “Right.” Gabriel said, and Dean’s eyes widened for a moment as he thought that he might’ve been mindlessly talking out loud then sighed in relief when the Archangel continued, “So, uhmm…” He looked at Dean with his lips in a tight line, though it was painfully obvious to Dean that he was only controlling his damnest not to grin. “You wanna see your Angel?”

 

... oOo ...

 

           People should really stop calling Cas ‘his angel’. He’s not his angel.

 

 _Yet_ , his brain supplied helpfully.

 

 _The hell does that **supposed**  to mean?_ Dean huffed in annoyance. His brain has no right to give opinions ‘coz it knows squat.

 

_I don’t know, man. You tell me. I’m **your**  brain, after all._

 

           Dean groaned out loud and Sam just clapped his back. “Isn’t there another way?” He asked again for the nth time. “Can’t you just, I don’t know, give us directions and we’ll meet you there?”

 

           Gabriel gave him a flat face and an eye roll as he munch his chocolate candy. Loudly. “Dean-o, how many times do I have to tell you that only  _I_  could take you there.”

 

           “Meaning?”

 

           Gabriel just gave an annoyed and exasperated huff before asking, “Can we go now?”

 

           “Yup.” Sam said in a gruff voice as he wrapped his hands around their carry-ons and duffel bags. For some reason, Gabriel argued that they should take a lot of clothes for this trip because ‘you’ll never know when we’ll come back.’ Don’t ask Dean if he knows what it meant ‘coz he just doesn’t and Gabriel won’t answer any questions related to the trip and as of now, Dean could really care less if they’re gonna be there forever (wherever that may be) so long as Cas is there.

 

 _I think you know exactly what I **meant** , Dean- **ial**._  His brain quipped.

 

 _Not. **Now**._  Dean mentally growled as his brain shimmied away.

 

           How on earth could he see his brain shimmiying away? Ugh! He’s hopeless.

 

           “Okay.” Gabriel muttered as he placed both of his hands on each of the brothers’ shoulder. “On three. One, Two — ”

 

           They didn’t make it on Three.

 

... oOo ...

  

           Dean heaved and gasped loudly as he opened his eyes, immediately throwing up after feeling the whole week’s food he ate rise up and opened the car door — wait, what? — ignoring the fact he might get decapitated and the loud honking of the cars that passes by all together.

 

           He drew a deep breath and blew it in a long exhale as he leant back, his eyes catching Gabriel’s and his seemingly plastered grin in the rear view mirror.

 

           “Gabriel.” Dean growled, prolonging the ‘el’ at the end.

 

           “Oh, quit worrying, Dean-o. Your muscle car is safe back home, sitting prettily in the bunker.” He said before patting the leather seat beside him, “This, however, is my prototype. Since I know you won’t drive anything but that.”

 

           “It’s  _her_ , Gabriel.” Dean hissed. “Baby’s a ‘her’.”

 

           “Apologies, I forgot you’re a sexist.”

 

           Dean just glared at him before his line of sight was pulled to Sam whose expression was both confused and amused.

 

           “Uh, Gabriel.” He muttered which the Archangel replied with a loud and innocent, “Hmm?”

 

           “Where are we?” Sam asked, looking rather mortified a little while later for what’s in front of him.

 

           Dean looked in front and sure as hell it dawned on him immediately why Sam looks mortified. Yeah, sure, maybe he hasn't gone out of the bunker for far too long since Cas went MIA but this place is no other than Lawrence itself.

 

           He knows he should’ve known better than to trust a Trickster that says zapping was the  _only_  means of getting there. Yeah, right.

 

           “Gabriel.” Dean growled again and Gabriel actually look nervous now. “Okay, Dean-o, listen. I know what you’re thinking but trust me, this isn’t what it looks like.”

 

           “Isn’t what it looks like?” Dean hissed. “Have you looked around you, Gabriel? Yeah, I may be desperate in looking for Cas but I’m not dumb enough not to know that this is Lawrence. I grew up here, remember?” He spat as he get out of the car slammed the front door shut. If it was Baby, he would’ve been sorry but since it was a prototype, he’s not. “That one,” He said as he pulled Gabriel by the collar and pointed on the burger joint, “is where Sammy and I used to get our take-outs. That one is where we go to get supplies and this,” He said, opening his arms as he stood on the wide road he always took when going back to the bunker. “this is the road we always rode to the bunker.” He spat, "He was in Lawrence after all, and what, you didn't bother telling us? The zapping was just  _so_  important, isn't it? You  _sick_  son of a bitch!"

 

           “I’ve never seen that one before.” Sammy muttered which Dean just scoffed at, “’Course you do. You just don’t remember.”

 

           Sam bitchfaced before saying, “I was here yesterday for a supply run and that wasn’t there, Dean. Unless people can now build a library and an antique shop over night.”

 

           “See? He gets it. I knew there’s a reason why I liked you a lot, Sammy.” Gabriel grinned then winked — the bastard — and Sam is… is he  _blushing_? Wait, no, that can’t be. ‘Tis probably the heat, yeah, Dean could make a run for his money on how many freckles are standing out right fucking now.

 

           “Where the fuck are we?” Dean asked once more through gritted teeth due to impatience. Seriously, mind games and guessing games were never his forte, unless they’re talking about lore or how to kill what.

 

           “Forgive me, Dean-o. I always forget you’re the dense one.” Gabriel said with a smirk and Dean thought it would’ve been better if he didn’t released his death grip on the Archangel’s collar.

 

           “Okay, first off: I didn't zap us here just to spite you, Dean-o. You know I'll get creative if I really want to do that." He said, raising a brow as if to prove a point. "And second: yes, we  _are_  in Lawrence.” Gabriel said, straightening his clothes and fixing himself to look presentable as Dean growled, “Fucking hell.” and was forcibly being held by Sam to keep him from icing the Trickster. “But not  _Lawrence_ Lawrence.” He continued, as if there hadn’t been any commotion in front of him at all.

 

           “You’re making a lot of sense there, buddy.”

 

           “He means we are in Lawrence." Sam parroted in his matter-of-factly tone. "Only it was a different dimension or timeline or — ” Sam stopped dead on what he’s saying and clenched his jaw, mortification still evident on his face.

 

           “Or what, Sammy?”

 

           “Another universe.”

 

           “Ding ding ding ding! Someone got the million dollar question prize! Good job, Sammy!” Gabriel threw his arms up triumphantly as if a host in a game show.

 

           “Gabriel, I swear on everything that's fucking holy, if this is one of your TV-land again—”

 

           “No, no, no, no, no, Dean-o. Look.” Gabriel said, wrapping his arm around Dean’s right shoulder as if they’re war veteran buddies. Dean still followed his line of sight, though — more of a reflex than an actual obedience to the order.

 

           And once Dean laid his eyes on the direction Gabriel was pointing, he thought he might die due to heart failure.

 

           Because his heart dropped dead upon seeing such sight.

 

           Before he knew it, his feet was already moving forward. Sam’s “Dean, wait.” and Gabriel’s “Oh no! That’s not a good idea.” sounded  _so_  far, far away, as he mindlessly cross the street. Cars honking and drivers yelling obscenities on him, but Dean couldn’t just give a flying fuck.

 

           He opened the door on the library and saw him putting his coat on the rack near the front desk and putting his scarf on the drawer. His back was turned on him but Dean could never be mistaken of that back, having it etched at the back of his mind for every single time they say goodbye. He took a book from the shelf he was standing in front of and read, eyebrows creasing and eyes squinting  at the text he was reading and Dean chuckled softly at how adorable he was. How adorable he  _is_.

 

           He was wiping away his tears before he knows it and when he looked back up he was looking back at him — a millions of emotions passed by in a blur. Eyes squinting to see who he is, widening upon realizing it was him, mouth forming a perfect O in surprise, then smile widening every second that passes as he step forward to reach him and Dean does the same.

 

           Finally.

 

           Fina-fucking-lly. Dean was home.

 

... oOo ...

 

           He half-walked, half-jogged towards him. Excitement bleeding through his veins and Dean couldn’t help but feel ecstatic as they inch closer and closer to each other.

 

           And just when Dean was about to grab him and pull him into a tight hug, he walked right passed him, their shoulders barely making contact.

 

           And Dean stood there, stunned as ‘ **what the fuck just happened?** ’ was on the forefront of his mind.

 

           He shook himself out of his trance and turned, just in time to see the one he so wanted to keep all to himself, attached to another guy. By the lips.

 

           By. The.  _Lips_.

 

           He’s kissing him. Cas was — no, no, — _is_  kissing him.

 

           Holy shit.

 

           Dean can feel Death crawling on his skin, weakening his knees. Everything’s spinning so fast yet staying so still at the same time.

 

           “ _Damn_ , I missed you.” Cas said, his arms wrapped around the guy’s neck as he gave the guy’s lips a peck once more. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re coming back? I could’ve picked you up from the airport.”

 

           The guy chuckled, chasing his lips and catching it between his teeth before releasing it with an audible pop. “It wouldn’t be a surprise now if I told you earlier, would it?”

 

           And Dean can feel the veins at his temples grew visible as it was two shits away from spontaneously combusting because Cas  _laughed_  at that and Dean couldn’t help thinking,  **‘I could do it better’**.

 

           The two kissed each other again and Dean turned to tampen down the bile that was threatening to come out.

 

_This isn’t happening._

 

           Dean told himself as he pressed his knuckles against his mouth, turning them into white.

 

_This isn’t happening. Gabriel. I need to find Gabriel. He must’ve—_

 

           He turned as he felt a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Gabriel muttered behind Sam.

 

           “I’m sorry? Why? You think it was funny to pull a prank like this, huh?”

 

           “I wish it was a prank, Dean.” Gabriel said softly, sadness wrapped around his demeanor as his shoulders slumped forward. “But it’s real. Because if it’s not, he wouldn’t look at me like friend.”

 

           “Wait, what?” Sam asked confusedly and before Gabriel could explain, a loud “Well if it isn’t Gabriel.” broke out and as Dean laid eyes on the owner of said voice, all he could think of was,  **‘oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.’**

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Balthazar?” Sam mouthed quietly in mixed confusion and amusement.

 

           Balthazar just hugged Gabriel, Cas tailing along, before he said, “Where have you been? I think it’s been a year since we last saw you. Right, babe?”

 

 _Oh, god._ Dean thought. _He’s pertaining to Cas. Balthazar’s **pertaining**  to Cas. He called him ' **babe'**. Oh for all that’s mighty and holy, strike me down dead  **now**!_

 

           Sam nudged him softly and Dean suddenly became aware of the cringing he didn’t know was there. Sam just glared at Gabriel which the Archangel returned with a sheepish smile and a look that’s awful lot like ‘ **I’ll explain later.** ’

 

           Yeah, Gabriel’s got a  _lot_  of explaining to do but Dean would much prefer it  _now_  than later, thank you very much.

 

           “Uhmm. Hi, excuse me. I really didn’t mean to interrupt but I... ” Dean began but as soon as his eyes fell on Cas’ and was met by those two friggin’ blue eyes, he was suddenly lost for words — mouth agape like a fucking fish in need of air, totally making a fool of himself.

 

           Good thing Sam Winchester was his brother.

 

           “What my brother is trying to say is that we have an appointment that us three couldn’t miss and we really hate it to be rude but we really have to go now.” Sam said in haste but giving out his best innocent look and puppy dog eyes at the same time. “I’m Sam, by-the-way.” He introduced, extending one hand and brushing the other through his hair. “And this is my brother here, D—”

 

           “Dean.” He said all too eagerly, extending his hand to Cas. Later if asked, he will just say that Balthazar was currently shaking hands with Sam, since no one but him has to know that it was Cas’ hand that he wants to hold. But Dean knows who he is and what he deserves so he settles for a handshake so long as he gets to touch Cas.

 

           Cas smiled warmly and said, “Castiel. Nice to meet you.”

 

           And that simple phrase told Dean all he needs to know.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Cas is the what now?” Sam asked, incredulously. His face scrunched up as he could barely hide the frustration in all that happened today.

 

           Dean shares the sentiment.

 

           “Castiel is The Mark now, Samoose.” Gabriel rolled his eyes with a very visible annoyance for having to repeat himself.

 

           “What?” Sam asked again and Gabriel looks as if he wants to stab himself over and over again. But unlike Sam, Dean has already figured out much. Just not the ‘Cas is The Mark now’ thing, though, he’d been thinking that may be the case why Cas can’t come back.

 

           “Okay, so, from the start then.” Gabriel sighed dramatically. “When Dean-o here was rid of the Mark, of course, The Mark has to find another bearer. So, at the very last minute, Cassie offered himself as victor. But right after The Mark was transferred to him, the witch skank you made yourself friends with cast an attack dog spell on Cassie. But it wasn’t an ordinary attack dog spell. Apparently, that Book of the Damned you handed so nicely to her taught her enough tricks.

 

           “She found an attack dog spell that could get rid of any being — even the seemingly immortal ones. So she used it on Cassie to help her kill Crowley then walked away. Luckily, I was just in time to meet her at the doorway.” Gabriel waggled his eyebrows before saying, “I took her to Heaven secretly and gave her as an offering to my dear friend, Tanael. A weapon specialist. So that saves us all the trouble since he was keeping the Book safe and in return he’ll just have to have a plaything — which I found Rowena was quiet fitting for the job.” Gabriel smiled devilishly and for a second Dean thought that it might be a demon in disguise after all, only to be reminded that demons cannot time travel, much less travel to another dimension. Or universe, whatever. “Tanael _loves_ redheads. And just so you know, if Hell’s torture is frightening, then you should really see how Angels do it their way.” He grinned evilly before adding, “It was so much more fun.”

 

           “Okay.” Sam said hastily. “I think we already got the picture. Mind if you continue with the Cas-related story?”

 

           Gabriel didn’t seem to appreciate being cut off of his inner musings but still followed, anyway. “After bringing the Book and the witch to Heaven, I came back to find Cassie stabbing Crowley over and over again. You should’ve seen him. It’s horrifying.” Gabriel zoned out for a moment before he got a hold of himself and continued, “So I took him some place safe, healed him of the curse but apparently, that only made The Mark standout most.

 

           “And before it could eat him all up, Castiel begged me to create a whole new universe he could be locked in. But, after Lucifer’s smiting, I haven’t been that strong enough. So instead, I took him here — in this parallel universe.

 

           “I came in and out of here. Mostly to check up on him before going back to your universe to look for a way to rid of The Mark without freeing Auntie Amara.”

 

           “Auntie Amara?” Dean blurted, suddenly confused who this new name was.

 

           “Oh, you didn’t know.” Gabriel said genuinely without a hint of anything in his voice. “It was — or rather,  _she_  was the Darkness.”

 

           “Yeah? But what’s with the ‘auntie’?” says Dean at the same time Sam muttered, "I didn't know it has a gender."

 

           Gabriel looked at Dean flatly for a full minute before answering, “Yeah. She’s Daddy’s sister. Hence, our auntie.”

 

           “God has… relatives?” Sam asked amusedly. Even Dean was baffled at the statement. If Gabriel doesn’t look so serious like he was looking now, Dean would’ve guffaw in laughter but Gabriel was looking at them with what Dean recognize as his ‘no bullshitting face’ so he settled with his mouth agape before shutting it hard with a click.

 

           “Yes, I know, right? You’re really not supposed to know that. So, anyway, time passes differently here. When I go out for an hour, it’ll be a day in here. If it was a day, it’ll be a month. And if it was a month—”

 

           “It’ll be a year.” Dean muttered mindlessly.

 

           “Yes, thank you. Nice deduction, Sherlock.” Gabriel smirked before continuing. “So I made sure I wouldn’t be gone for long. But when I time-traveled back to the time Cain had accepted The Mark just to see if I missed a tiny detail that would help Cassie getting that Mark out and came back, it has already been a month and when I came here a lot has already changed.

 

           “This universe doesn’t look like it is now. It was devastated, as if wars between two worlds has happened. There was nothing and absolutely nothing when Castiel and I came here. I purposefully chose this because of that as per Cassie’s request to ‘not live in a world filled with living creatures’. So this universe was apparently a wrecked version of yours.”

 

           “What happened then?” says Sam. “What changed it?”

 

           “The Mark did.” Gabriel replied. “Apparently, being borne by an angel changes The Mark from being  _destructing_  to being  _resurrecting_. That, or the fact that The Mark just adapted to its environment — doing the same opposite, like if the world is beautiful, it’s itching to destroy it and vice versa — and fixed this universe.”

 

           “So now that it’s fixed, will The Mark ruin it again?” asked Sam.

 

           “No.” Gabriel answered. “It doesn’t work that way. When The Mark chose to be one thing — be it destructive or be it resurrective — it goes all the way and does not revert back to its previous actions. But it’ll change when it was brought to another universe or dimension. Say, one that it hasn’t touched yet, at all.”

 

           “And that relates to Cas having no memory of us how exactly?” asked Dean impatiently. He’s been itching to get to the good part of the story for a good while now.

 

           “Well, when The Mark resurrected this universe, it kind of unleashed itself into this world. Eventually, leaving Cassie’s vessel. But as doing so, there had been some casualties.”

 

           “His memory being one.” Dean supplied helpfully and Sam turned to him with a surprised look, as if he didn’t expect Dean to figure that out on his own — bitch — which he chose to ignore in favor of listening to the Archangel.

 

           “And only.” Gabriel added. “That and the beautification of this universe, if you considers that as a casualty.”

 

           “How do we get his memories back then?”

 

           “I…” Gabriel rubbed his face with both hands and ran them through his hair, the action fixing it from its previously disheveled look. Then suddenly, he looked very tired. So different from the Gabriel acting as his normal self a while back. As if something broke and this is really what he looks like.

 

           “I don’t know.” He said quietly. “I really don’t know. I’ve been trying to look but, well, I wouldn’t come to you if I know I could fix it by myself.”

 

           “So you came to us to bring Cas' memories back.” says Sam. “But why bring us here? Why not bring Cas there, in our universe? That might do the trick, don’t you think?”

 

           “You think I didn’t thought of that?” Gabriel snapped and Sam immediately looked apologetic. “I tried, you know. But I just can’t pull him out of here. As if Cassie’s strong belief that he has to stay here was ingrained in his mind that even without his memories, his vessel was just stuck here.

 

           “I tried everything. Even to the extent of kidnapping him but every time I try to zap us back to your universe, I just ended going from one place to another from this world. I just — I just can’t get out of here. Or can’t get  _us_  out of here, rather.” Gabriel ended with a sigh before adding, “That’s why I brought you here. I was hoping Cassie would recognize you. Hoping that deep inside his subconscious, he will remember you and just snap out of it so we could all return back home with a happily ever after.”

 

           “Well, it didn’t worked.” Dean said hopelessly as he remembers the warm look Cas gave him. The warm look that yells, ‘I’m glad to know your name, stranger’ rather than the ‘god, Dean, it’s so good to see you’ that he was so used to whenever he and Cas was separated for so long then got reunited.

 

           “Well, I didn’t expect it to work  _that_  fast.” Gabriel hissed. “This ain’t fairytale, after all.”

 

           “So, that’s why you told us to bring as much stuff as we could fit in a duffel and carry-on.” says Sam.

 

           “I knew there was reason why I thought you were a keeper.” Gabriel winked and grinned and Sam just coughed nervously, the tip of his ears reddening.

 

           And Dean swore on the fucking sun that is bringing so much heat waves on his brother’s face.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “So, where do Balthazar fits in all these?” asked Dean, seemingly can’t find a connection between the series of events and the resurrection of the British angel.

 

           Gabriel looked up from where he was watching some show and just slouched further on the couch he claimed his own.

 

           Apparently, Gabriel was still strong enough to create a prototype of the bunker — like he did with Baby — and Dean was immensely grateful for not having to have stayed in a motel from a different universe.

 

           No matter how this universe doesn’t look any different from their own, at all.

 

           “I also do not know.” Gabriel answered with a frown. “I know his dead because that’s what Tanael told me during the time he’s filling me on the things I missed. But it seems as though Cassie’s desire to have a friend in this universe, someone to talk to since I’m not always present and by his side, that The Mark created its own version of Balthazar in order to please its bearer.”

 

           “It does that?” Dean asked amusedly. “I mean, the ‘please its owner’ kind of thing?” Surely, he’s getting to know a lot more about The Mark that he didn’t had the chance to during the time that he was still its bearer.

 

           Gabriel pffted, “Why else did you think The Mark always find a victim to kill when it was still in you?”

 

           And Dean was so stunned by the question he was physically unable to move.

 

           “It’s because of your desire to kill creatures that goes bumping into the night, Dean.” Gabriel continued. “It’s because you’ve always wanted the world you have to be free of anything that could hurt Samantha here and since The Mark couldn’t fathom two contradicting thoughts like killing to save or keep your brother safe and only understands one thing and stick to it, it focused more on your desire to kill, regardless of the reason.” He explained before adding, “After all, The Mark is more of an ‘action-focused’ kind of thing.”

 

           “So is that the reason why this world was fixed?” asked Sam. “Because Cas wants it to?”

 

           “No.” Gabriel answered. “Like I said being borne by an angel was different. Especially one as pure as Castiel.”

 

           “So, this Balthazar doesn’t know us, too. That it?” Dean asked when he finally grasped the idea that it was the twisted way The Mark thinks why he always felt pleasured when killing and not because of the deepest, darkest version of himself that looms over his soul ever since he got out of Hell.

 

           “Uh…" He hesitated, darting his eyes from side-to-side. "About that.” Gabriel pressed his lips into a tight line. “Balthazar seems to be unaffected by Cas’ memory lost and he seems to be the only thing in this universe who knows that there's another universe like yours that exist. And he also seems to remember being in that universe and knowing that he is — or, was an angel.”

 

           “So, kinda like Cas’ subconscious in the physical form of Balthazar?” Sam concluded.

 

           “I always get lucky with the smart ones.” Gabriel waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Dean was slowly ( _very_  slowly, mind you) getting annoyed and has the sudden urge to just  _kill_  the sun for keeping his brother’s skin — particularly his face and the tips of his ear — red ever since they step foot in this universe.

 

**... oOo ...**

 

           "Uh-oh." Gabriel muttered under his breath and the brothers were immediately on him. He was still sitting in the couch he claimed his own but he was now sitting up straight, shoulders tensed and eyes plastered on the screen of his phone. (Dean didn't even know they have a  _phone_  in here, but well, he's never been the smart one in the family, so there's that.)

 

           "What is it?" Sam asked, impatiently after a full minute of silence on the Archangel's end.

 

           "I gotta go." He blurted and stood up to dart out of the room but Sam was quick to catch him which only made his eyebrows furrowed.  "You can't zap around in here, can you?" He asked suspiciously.

 

           Gabriel answered him with a flat face and a "I can. But I'm still regaining my strength since zappin' you two idiots here ain't as an easy feat as it used to. Lucifer's smiting, remember?"

 

           "What's happening?" asked Dean. "Why're you in a hurry all of a sudden?" 

 

           "They're coming to my house for dinner."  Gabriel asked in haste.

 

            "Who?" The brothers asked at the same time and if Gabriel wasn't so bothered about this upcoming guests he probably would've grinned or smirk.

 

           "Cassie and his fiance."

 

           Dean's jaw dropped and all he could think of out loud was, "Balthazar's Cas'  _fiance_!?"

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Hey!” Gabriel said far too loudly that anyone inside ‘his house’ would definitely hear as he opened the door to invite the  _guests_  in.

 

           Balthazar was the first one to come in line of Dean's sight, clad in a black blazer and his usual grey shirt with a too deep ‘V’ (douchebag), hugging Gabriel and patting him on the back before handing him the bottle of wine he's holding. Cas followed suit and Dean’s heart stopped beating for what felt like eternity.

 

           Standing there, speaking pleasantries to Gabriel, was Cas — _his_  Cas — wearing a rather  _too_  tight leather jeans to be legal that were ripped off the sides and just hugs his ass  _real_  nice and a white V-neck shirt (his V’s not  _that_  deep, though *mental high-five*) topped off by a black leather jacket and Dean — for the life of him — suddenly can’t help but notice the way his  _other_  head had immediately taken over the wheels for his train of thoughts.

 

           Not to mention the way he was rocking those black leather logger boots.

 

           Yeah, Dean was definitely a goner.

 

           And very visibly  _drooling_.

 

           “Yeesh, don’t be so subtle, Dean.” Sam says with a smirk as he nudge him before he went by the door to greet them properly and Dean just groaned and followed suit.

 

           Cas looked at him, eyes as bright as his smile, as Dean tried his damnest to stride along with confidence despite the shaking on his legs with each step he took.

 

           “Hello, Dean.”

 

 _Fuck._ Dean thought. _Oh, god, stop looking at me. I can’t — I can’t — ‘Mgonnafaint_.

 

           God, he’s so pathetic. Why is this so hard, anyway?

 

_Maybe because you finally realized that you got the hots for him._

  **No one asked for your opinion, brain, thank you very much.**

_Oh, hello, Dean. Didn't see you there._ His brain quipped innocently then smirked smugly. Asshole.

 

           Dean just mentally groaned out loud and settled to clear his throat before extending his hand and said, “Dean.”

 

           Cas took his hand and shook it firmly as he continued, “We met before. You know, in the library, I mean, where else, right? It’s not like we already saw each other before, that’s ridiculous. We didn’t saw each other before.” Dean cleared out as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, darting away to close the door to hide the flush he was definitely sporting.

 

_Smooth, Winchester. Like a fucking sandpaper._

 

  **Can it!**

 

           Then he heard Cas chuckled and at first, he thought he might’ve missed a joke due to his internal debacle but as he turned, seeing as Cas was still watching him with a huge grin that was crinkling the corners of his eyes, Dean knows it was him he was chuckling about. And he didn’t feel so embarrassed as per his prior case of being flustered.

 

           Instead, his heart just swell and he swore it grew at least ten-fucking-times than their original size as the sound of Cas’ chuckling became music to his ears.

 

           Before he knew it, he was already smiling wide, Cas’ smile infecting his, and suddenly, it was as if the rest of the world came to a halt. And nobody else exist apart him and Cas.

 

           Just Dean and  _his_  angel.

 

           Just like the old times.

 

           Dean wasn’t sure who cleared whose throat but he was definitely sure it was Gabriel who muttered, “Goddamn, eyefucking. I could probably even cut the tension with a knife if I wanted to.” then raised his hand in annoyance before Sam smiled sheepishly at Balthazar as he lead him towards the dining table, leaving Dean and Cas walk side-by-side each other.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Mngh!”

 

           To someone — say, a person indulging with a  _lot_  of dirty thoughts and scenarios living inside their head and wishing their fantasies would be granted by a certain blue-eyed angel (this person is  _totally **not**_  Dean, it’s just hypothetical. ‘coz he’s sure he’s not the only one with a blue-eyed angel on his tail, right?  _Right_?) — it would definitely bring out some (if not all) this crazy, pornographically inappropriate images of a dark-haired, blue-eyed man doing the nasty on his bed or, maybe, someone else’s (again,  **not**  Dean, just hypothetical), preferably naked as he writhes and thrusts on said bed.

 

           Good thing, Dean Winchester was a decent guy and nothing like that.

 

_I begged to differ._

 

           Dean just scowled at his brain (it doesn’t know what it’s talking about) as he turned to his left after being nudged — _again_  (seriously, what’s with Sammy and his nudging lately?) — by his brother. Suddenly, he became  _very_  much aware of the tightness in his pants that he just have to shift in his seat from side to side as he thanked the heavens or whoever the fuck was listening for making the table cloth way too long to hide anything that could force someone to bleach their minds  _forever_.

 

           “I got to say, Gabriel.” Cas said, wiping the right end of his lips with his thumb before bringing it to his mouth to suck on the juice caught in it. “This is  _really_  good.”

 

           And Dean, well, his eyes  _never_  trailed the movement and it certainly did  _not_  make his mouth agape as he watch Cas suck the said digit.

 

           And, no, his pupils are  _not_  dilated. That’s just how they were since he was born.

 

           His brain scoffed as it muttered,  _Fucking Dean- **ial**_.

 

           Dean settled in shutting his mouth hard with a loud click rather than having another argument with his douchebag commenter.

 

_Hey, I’m **your**  brain, remember?_

 

**So?**

 

_You called me a ‘douchebag’._

 

**And?**

 

_Fucking dense, jesus! How does **anyone**  put up with you?_

 

           Dean chose not to respond to that.

 

           “—Dean.”

 

           Dean whipped his head up to look who called him and found Cas looking at him with a bright smile that could rival against the sun.

 

           He darted his eyes from side to side as an uncomfortable silence (well at least on his part) became too much that he broke it with a “What?”

 

           “I think you should join us to Earth more often, Dean.” Gabriel quipped with a barely hidden snicker and a huge grin on his face that Dean just want to punch off his face. “Forgive him, he’s not always like that.” He added, and Balthazar hid his laughter with a cough as Sam snorted on his left and Dean wished that the ground would just open up and swallow him whole. Right. Fucking.  _Now_.

 

... oOo ...

 

           Dean immediately took the dishes to the sink and hurriedly told Cas he could handle clearing the table alone.

 

           “No, Dean.” Cas argued. “Gabe told me that you cooked all those meals and that sinfully delicious pie a while a back so, let me show you my gratitude and appreciation by helping you do the dishes and clear the table.”

 

**Well, this is certainly _not_  the way I prefer you to show me but, eh, who am I to demand more, right?**

 

_So much for being decent, eh?_

 

           Dean just slumped his shoulders as Cas told him that he could dry as he wash.

 

           “So,” says Cas. “I don’t mean to intrude but…” He trailed off and Dean waited for him to finish but he didn’t.

 

           “But what?”

 

           Cas sighed. “Nothing. Probably just my imagination.”

 

           Dean’s heart pounded. Is Cas starting to remember him?

 

           “I’ll be the judge to that.”

 

           Cas stopped and looked at him, eyes undeniably searching for something then sighed and turned back to washing when he found none.

 

           A few moments later and Dean was just about to give up the subject when Cas finally spoke.

 

           “We haven’t really known each other long and Balth… He said maybe it was just my weird ability to read people but…”

 

           Dean remained silent and gave Cas some time, making sure he knows he’s listening at the same time.

 

           With one last exhale, Cas spoke. “You just — Why do you look at me like that?”

 

           Dean straightened his back and he’s sure as hell his eyes were comically wide as his movements halt from the drying chore.

 

           “Like what?” He asked cautiously, making sure his voice doesn’t give away anything.

 

           “Like  _that_.” Cas parroted with much emphasis than earlier. “Like you know me. Like we’ve already met before or something.”

 

           Dean let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and his nervousness was immediately replaced by disappointment from the fact Cas  _still_  doesn’t know him.

 

           “I, uh,” Dean opened his mouth then shut it again before speaking, “You just, uhmm, look awfully like someone I know.” He pressed his lips in a tight line in a sad attempt at smiling.

 

           “Someone?” asked Cas. “Like a friend or something?”

 

           “Or something.” Dean replied and he immediately pushed the ‘why did you said that?’ out of his mind.

 

           “Oh.” Cas muttered. “He must be very special if you keep remembering him.”

 

 _That you are, Cas._  Dean thought.  _That you are._

 

           But instead, he chose to say, “Why did you thought it’s a ‘he’?”

 

           Cas’ eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, uhmm, sorry. Is it not? I mean, you said they looked like me so I assumed…”

 

           Dean chuckled, seeing how flustered Cas was. “Yeah, yeah, you assumed right.”

 

           “So, uh, what happened?” asked Cas. “I mean, if it’s alright to ask, you know, you don’t have to if not.”

 

           “It’s okay, Cas.” Dean assured him. “I, uh, lost him.” He said, clearing his thought to hide the strangled sound at the back of his throat. “Almost two years, now, really.”

 

           “Oh, god, I’m sorry, Dean. If I’d only known I wouldnt’ve asked.”

 

           “What?" Dean chuckled. “No, no. it wasn’t like that.”

 

           “Oh. Good. I was just on my way to being guilty.” Cas laughed softly.

 

           And Dean had just put the last dish on the dryer when he felt a hand on his right shoulder and Cas said, “I’m sure he’ll come back to you, Dean. I mean, I’m not exactly the person you’d call for a background check since I’ve only known you for like—” — he glanced at his watch — “eight hours or so but I do believe I’m a good judge of character and my gut tells me you’re a good person.”

 

           “Don’t get deceived by the looks, Cas.” Dean said, attempting to lighten up the air.

 

           “Well, there’s that, too, but… it’s the eyes, Dean.” Cas said, looking at him filled with wonder. “It’s the eyes that shows genuineness and your eyes says you’re full of it, if not more.” Cas explained further, staring deep into Dean’s eyes as he does so and Dean was awfully reminded of all those times Cas and him seemed to indulge in an impromptu staring contest whenever there was a chance.

 

           Dean didn’t know how long it took — probably forever, probably seconds, he couldn’t really be sure — but he knows it was Balthazar’s “Babe?” that broke the spell between them as Cas immediately turned and walked towards his fiancé (Dean thought he would puke on that word) and pecked him on the side of his lips as he asked what took Cas so long.

 

           Not long after, Dean found himself standing behind the gang as the couple bid their goodbyes. Surprisingly, though, Cas made his way in between Sam and Gabriel to reach for him before placing his hand on his shoulder and bid his farewell with a soft smile.

 

           Dean would later on deny that the warm, fuzzy feeling that he felt has anything to do with the lack of sleep that night.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “So,” Dean pressed his lips into a tight thin line. “How did you and Balthazar met?”

 

           Dean doesn’t really want to ask. Hell, he doesn’t even want to know in the first place. But the question has been itching in his mind for a good month now.

 

           Yes, they’ve been here for a month now — but well, it’ll just be a day in the real world (or in their universe, ‘coz Dean was really not in the position to point out what’s real and what’s not since this place is pretty real for him).

 

           And surprisingly, he’s not itching to go back to their universe. Or maybe it’ll be more accurate if he say he’s not itching to go back to their universe without a certain person from this universe to be taken in their universe.

 

           Does that even make sense? No, you know what, don’t answer that. Dean doesn’t want to know that, either.

 

           So here he is. Sitting next to Cas as they look for wedding rings ‘coz Balthazar’s too fucking busy to keep his fiancé company in choosing rings for their wedding. Douchebag.

 

**If Cas is engaged to me, I wouldn’t let him out of my sight even for a single millisecond.**

 

_That’s it, cowboy! Cas **isn’t**  engaged to you._

 

**Right. Thanks for the constant reminder, brain. ‘M so glad I have you.**

 

_I know you’re mocking me, asshole. ‘M not as dense as you are._

 

           Dean just show his brain his mental smug grin because, well, his brain deserves it.

 

           “I…” Cas chuckled slightly. “I honestly don’t know. I — I don’t remember.” He continued and Dean couldn’t just help but to furrow his eyebrows on that one.

 

           “This isn’t one of those ‘M drunk throughout the whole relationship’ kinda thing, is it?”

 

           Cas just laughed hard on that one and Dean couldn’t help but grin widely because  **hell, yeah, I’m _the one_  making Cas laugh and smile so wide he's crinkling his fucking eyes and showing that fucking gums**.

 

 _And Balthazar’s just the one who sees Cas naked every night and day with all kinds of pun intended_.

 

**Fuck you, brain! Get away from me, you sonuvabitch.**

 

_Well, I could but then you’ll die and, heh, who’s gonna save Cas now if we died?_

 

           Dean scowled because,  _dammit_ , his brain’s gotta point.

 

           Cas sighed when he sobered up from laughing. “It’s not that, you ass. I… I had an accident a year ago and when I woke up I can’t remember everything. Good thing Balthazar was there. He… he helped me through it.” Cas smiled fondly as he stared into the distance and to say that Dean doesn’t like smile one bit would be an understatement.

 

           “But he told you how you’ve met, right?”

 

           God, why is he insisting this topic? It’s not like he’s overly fond of the idea of his Cas and Balthazar getting together, much less in a romantic sense.

 

_Maybe you’re just a natural born and bred masochist._

 

**Do you _really_  have to butt in to my thoughts?**

 

_Yes. Yes, I do._

 

           “Yeah.” says Cas. “He told me that I was working in the library one day when he came in with his nephew who wanted a book for Christmas. He said that I helped them and that he was immensely attracted to me right at that moment he first laid his eyes on me.”

 

           Dean mentally snort. Of course, Balthazar would swoon over him. I mean, who the fuck wouldn’t, right? Even Dean can’t resist the charm of said angel and Dean knows humans have less tolerance when it comes to celestial beauty and divine perfection.

 

            _Well, aren't you poet? Pretty sure you’d beat Shakespeare’s Sonnets._

 

           “He asked for my number and said that I even winked at him before he left with his nephew’s book in hand and well, the rest is history.” Cas continued.

 

           Dean just nodded, unsure of what he really want to ask next as they continue to search for Cas’ ‘perfect wedding rings’.

 

           He’s not really sure what Cas was looking for in terms for rings but he just vaguely describe its specification as ‘I know it will be  _it_  if I saw them’.

 

           Vague, right? Right.

 

           That’s pretty much the reason why they’ve been here for hours now. Cas still hasn’t seen the ‘it’ kind of ring. And apparently, it's the best man's job to help the groom.

 

           Oh, yeah, Dean forgot to tell you but he accepted the task of being Cas' best man because he's an idiot and a masochist. Perfect combination if you asked him and yeah, he's just so much of a sucker for Cas and anything that involves spending a  _lot_  of time with him is a go in Dean's books.

 

            He should have an award. Should he have an award? He  _definitely_  should have an award.

 

           Damn fucking Nobel Prize with his name on and a title of 'World's Most Eligible Masochist.' 

 

           “And did you feel something?” Dean asked. “Familiarity, maybe? Like deep in your gut you know that happened?”

 

           There. He said it. Because his mouth just couldn’t understand when he commands them to politely ‘ _shut it!_ ’.

 

           There’s something that shifted in the air and Dean knows it was probably Cas that caused it. There’s just something unreadable in his expression. Like he’s conflicted of something.

 

           He sighed. “This isn’t working. Let’s go grab some food. It’s been the sixth store and I know you’re two shits away from stabbing me just because I can’t make up my damn mind.” He said and it became painfully obvious to Dean that he just changed the subject. Which means he does not want to talk about it. So Dean did exactly what he does — smiling and let the other take the lead.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

 

           Cas suddenly blurted out as Dean was half-way through taking his first bite on his double bacon cheeseburger (thank god for creating a universe with the exact same food Dean loves).

 

           “Not a single soul on this planet.”

 

           “So I can tell E.T. and friends?” Dean quipped in attempt to lighten up the mood and mentally fist-pumped when it made Cas smirked and sniggered.

 

           “No.” Cas chuckled softly. “Not even E.T. and friends.”

 

           Dean just mocked a disappointed pout and it just made Cas laughed more. Soon enough, Dean was laughing along with him and took them minutes before they could sober up.

 

           Cas sobered himself up with a sip of his milkshake and continued, “About your question earlier, back in the ring store.” He pressed his lips into a thin line and Dean just looked at him, waiting patiently for what he’ll say. “I -- I don’t.” He said with a sigh. Like a heavy weight was lifted off him.

 

           “I don’t sense any familiarity in the stories he tells me, but I guess, it was because of what the doctor said about having a permanent amnesia.”

 

           Dean kept silent and decided to let it go. He wouldn’t asked about it. He wouldn’t give Cas doubts about Balthazar.

 

           Gabriel’s rules were simple from the start. And to be honest, it only revolves around Rule #1:

 

_Do not mess with this universe._

 

           And Dean was sure as hell that it means every single fucking thing that the sentence could imply. After all, they still do not know how this universe works so they couldn’t really afford to commit even the tiniest mistakes.

 

           He couldn’t afford to lose and be lost to Cas forever.

 

           “Don’t worry, Cas.” Dean assured him despite himself not wanting to. “I’m sure you’ll get the feeling right.” He continued. “I mean, you love him, right?” Dean gulped the beer he’s been gripping tight before he let out the last sentence to cover up the choking sound at the back of his voice.

 

           “Yeah.” Cas said, all sad-eyed and staring into a distance.

 

           “Well, don’t sound so whipped, buddy.”

 

           Cas just faint a smile and chewed his burger that’s been sitting there for a good while now.

 

           And no matter what people say, he never wanted to be in between of any couple, let alone a getting-married-soon one.

 

           But fuck if Dean doesn’t want to try.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “So, how’s the ring search?” Gabriel asked as soon as Dean shut the door.

 

           Dean just scowled at him and sat on the recliner adjacent to Gabriel and Sam’s couch.

 

           And maybe the two was sitting a little too close to each other for Dean’s liking, what’s with Gabriel’s head almost falling to Sam’s shoulder and Sam’s arm on the couch headrest but, eh. Dean isn’t really in that mood where he wants to look on things real deep.

 

           So instead, he focused his attention on the show in front of him and groaned, getting both Sam’s and Gabriel’s attention at the same time.

 

           “Jesus. This is what you do instead of finding how to bring Cas’ memories back?”

 

           “Oh, please. Let’s not be hypocrites here, Dean. It’s not like ring-hunting with Cassie would bring his memories back.” Gabriel hissed and Sam just smacked his arm as Dean kept it shut and stood up and head straight for his room.

 

           He can’t do this. Dean knows he can’t. He’ll die if Cas got married with Balthazar and totally forget about him.

 

           Dean wouldn’t mind being locked up here with Cas but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t mind being locked up here with Cas  _and_  his husband.

 

           So much for letting nature take its course.

 

           Maybe he should just give up.

 

           I mean, if he look around him, this place isn’t so bad. And that’s not because supernatural things doesn’t exist here though it’s definitely a plus.

 

           Maybe they should just leave.

 

           Maybe Gabriel could make Cas forget about them like he did with his failed kidnapping/zapping-out-of-this-world attempts.

 

            _Look at you. Such a loser._

 

           Dean just sighed and closed his eyes.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “C’mon, Cas! Show me!”

 

           Dean heard Gabriel whined as he entered the door. He turned and saw Cas and him standing in the middle of the living room with Gabriel’s childlike expression of pouting and Cas’ stern father-figure persona with his crossed arms on his chest.

 

           Cas still hasn’t been able to find the ‘it’ rings but he gave it up in favor of believing Balthazar (really, why do he has to believe that bastard? What does he know, anyway? *indignant huff*) that Cas couldn’t find the perfect ring because there’s no such thing as that.

 

           So they’ve decided that since it’ll still be a month or so away before the wedding, they’ll just look for whatever fits once Balthazar cleared up his schedule (douchebag).

 

           “Gabriel, I really don’t know how to show you.” Cas said in annoyance. “And it’s not like I could kiss you!”

 

           Dean whipped his head at that as he was just on his way pass the two to get into his room.

 

           Gabriel rolled his eyes, “It’s not like I asked you to. And besides, how could you show me if you’re kissing me?” He said, arching a brow to prove his point.

 

           He turned and saw Dean looking at them and before Dean could make his escape, Gabriel was already pulling him.

 

           “Use him as a dummy.” Gabriel said way too proudly.

 

           “Wait, what?”

 

           Cas sighed and filled him in, “Gabriel wanted to know how I plan to kiss Balthazar during the ceremony and I told him that I’m gonna kiss him slow and no tongue but, apparently, kiss with no tongues is just an insult for Gabriel so I told him, ‘fine, with tongues but just a little’. Unfortunately, he cannot picture it and now he wants a demonstration.”

 

           “It’s fine with you, right, Dean? I mean, you’re two consenting adults and this is  _purely_  for educational purposes.”

 

           Gabriel could hide it all he wants but Dean already saw the smirk before he could hid it.

 

           “Yeah.”

 

**Wait, what? What I meant is _no_ , not yeah.**

 

_Idiot._

 

           “You sure?” Cas asked with his wide blue eyes and all Dean could do is breathed, “Yeah.” once more.

 

           “Okay.” Cas said in that shy voice of his and Dean just want to close the mile distance between them.

 

           Cas moved closer ever so slightly and Gabriel said, “You don’t have to do anything, Dean. Just let Cas take the lead.”

 

           And take the lead did Cas.

 

           It was just a press on his lips at first but then Cas opened his mouth slowly, dragging his tongue on the roof of Dean’s mouth and Dean was more than just sweating.

 

           Then Cas sucked on his lips and it just became  _too fucking much_ , so Dean wrapped his arm on Cas’ lower back as the other cradled the back of Cas’ head.

 

           It was slow, like a build up for something far much greater. But Dean could feel the raw emotions the kiss was conveying and he hoped that Cas wasn’t thinking of Balthazar as he was kissing him.

 

           With that thought, Dean just wrapped his arms tighter around Cas and deepen the kiss as Cas’ hold tighten around his nape and he moaned softly as Dean swept his tongue on Cas’ bottom lip before nibbling it.

 

           It was fucking humid during these times in Lawrence but Dean swore it shouldnt’ve been  _this_  hot. As if the sun was right next to him.

 

           They continued to kiss each other longer than anyone would want. One’s tongue occasionally brushes the other or dragging it ever so slowly on the roof of the other’s mouth. Both moaning softly as nibbling turned to nipping and tongues continued to taste each other.

 

           And Dean have kissed a lot before, tasted a lot of mouths — but this one feels as if it was the first time he’s doing it. The kiss just makes him feel as if he was a virgin or something.

 

           And he doesn’t  _ever_  want it to end.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “What’s going on here?”

 

           Of course, it’ll end because this wasn’t fairytale that the world would just let him kiss Cas with little to no interruptions.

 

           Flushed from the kiss, the two broke and stared at each other’s eyes for a good while before Cas’ broke it in turn to walk towards Balthazar’s direction, pecking him on the side of his lips like he always do and leaving Dean with a burning need to pull him by the arm and kiss him hard, pushing him against a wall until he’s nothing but a whimpering mess --

 

           “You might wanna wipe those sweat, Dean-o.” Gabriel said in a quiet voice, with a towel on his hand held to Dean’s direction.

 

           “Dean was just helping me perfect our wedding kiss.” Cas answered sweetly, like his mouth wasn’t attached to Dean’s a few seconds ago.

 

           “Oh, honey. Like you actually need practice.” Balthazar replied with a deep kiss that punctuated the sentence. Cas just giggled and Dean never felt so broken in his entire fucked up life.

 

... oOo ...

 

           “Damn, you really love him.”

 

           Dean suddenly whipped his head to his left where Gabriel sat. They’ve been sharing this comfortable silence for a couple of minutes now since the couple took their leave.

 

           Gabriel’s expression was nothing but awed and amazement, unlike his usual mischief and slyness.

 

           “I mean, I know you’re attracted to him because, fuck, the eye-sex and the sexual tension? There were  _more_  than a lot of times it made me gag. But when you two kissed right in front of me? That wasn’t sex on air there. That…” He shut his mouth abruptly, as if his emotions was getting the best of him and for a moment, Dean thinks it actually does. “That was  _definitely_  something else.”

 

           Dean just chuckled softly, “Yeah. Tell me about it.”

 

           “I know that getting some other guy’s better half is against your terrestrial laws but well, Cas isn’t terrestrial nor that guy’s better half, you know what I mean?”

 

           “Yes.” Dean grinned triumphantly. “Yes, I do.”

 

... oOo ...

 

           To say that things were a little awkward after the kiss would be describing it ‘lightly’.

 

           Because it was hell of lot awkward. Especially on Dean’s part.

 

           How could it not be? The guy just shared a kiss with him and yet here he is, kissing his fiancé like nothing happened.

 

           As if kissing Dean only made them stronger, if not more in love.

 

           So Dean decided that he’s just gonna get out of everybody’s way.

 

           Unfortunately, that’ll be the first major offense if you’re the groom’s best man.

 

           “Are you avoiding me?” Cas hissed in annoyance.

 

           “Wha-No! Why would I do that? No, I’m not avoiding you, Cas.” Dean pffted, like it was so incredulous to avoid Cas.

 

           “Really, Dean?” Cas deadpanned. “Because you’re just shimmiying away when I come close and you most definitely run to the other side of the house when you see me entering the room.”

 

           “Cas, that’s ri—”

 

           “Ridiculous? Yeah, tell me about it.” Cas scoffed. “Is this about the kiss?”

 

           “What! No, no. How—? Don’t be ridiculous, Cas. It’s not about the kiss.”

 

           “So, it  _is_  about the kiss.”

 

           “Cas, I already told you, it’s not—”

 

           Dean didn’t see that coming. Didn’t saw those hands cupping his face and those lips devouring him like it’s the last thing it’ll be on.

 

           He couldn’t help but moan against Cas’ mouth as he ruthlessly consume him. He could just  _feel_  him everywhere. His hands gripping his hair before roaming around his chest, his tongue on all and every sides of his mouth, tasting him, his fingers ever so slightly brushing against his clothed nipple that Dean just couldn’t help but gasped on -- everything was just rushed and frenzied Dean couldn’t think straight.

 

           His mind was filled with want as Cas pushed him against the wall, kneeing his not-so-very-subtle erection as he ripped the side of Dean’s shirt to suck a bruise on his collarbone.

 

           “Fuck.” Dean mouthed as Cas started travelling south and began ghosting his breath on Dean’s nipples.

 

           “If you want to.” Cas said, voice ever more gravelly and rough due to arousal, eyes hooded with lust. “Do you want to, Dean? Tell me you want to.” Cas continued, biting and pulling the now hard nub with his teeth and Dean groaned real loud he bet even the other universe heard it.

 

           Cas continued sucking bruises then he became impatient and bit Dean before he growled, “Answer me.” right next to Dean’s ear before sucking the lobe and biting into it.

 

           “Yes! Fuck, yes! Cas, please.” Dean pleaded as he felt Cas’ finger ran through his still clothed erection.

 

           Cas growled and pulled him off the wall before turning him roughly and pressing him flat on the table.

 

           Suddenly, Dean was hyperaware that they were in the kitchen and anyone could see them whether they choose to come from the back door, connecting the kitchen and the backyard, or the front door, where the living room, dining room and kitchen are all connected.

 

           And much to his shame (if Dean still has it in him ‘coz he’s pretty sure right now they’re all gone), it only made him harder than ever.

 

           Cas turned him again so he was facing him before he ripped his shirt off and practically ruined the zipper of Dean’s favorite jeans.

 

           Without further warning, Cas just wrapped his mouth around Dean’s cock as if he had been hungry for years and this was all that could sate him.

 

           Dean’s hand immediately flew to grip Cas’ hair and he moaned and  _ohhhhhh, fuck_ , the vibrations of it had Dean jerking, which made the tip hit the back of Cas’ throat and boy, do this guy ever have a gag reflex, because he just took it like a pro and took Dean a hell of a lot deeper after that.

 

           “Fuck, Cas!” Dean groaned as he could barely contain himself. Then, suddenly, Cas’ mouth was gone and all Dean felt was the air from the open windows.

 

           For that one sobering moment, Dean was thankful that they set up the barbecue in the backyard far, far away from the house. That and the darkness, too.

 

           Then Cas’ tongue was already lapping his balls as his finger — which was now slick, if I may add — started thrusting inside Dean and all he could do is arched his back.

 

           Cas literally owned him — a hand on his cock, a finger — no, no, — that was now two,  _fuck_ , three! — on his ass and tongue assaulting his balls, there was no way Dean is going to back-out from this one.

 

           Then Cas’ tongue decided to join the club and he dragged it along Dean’s entrance and Dean could see the stars.

 

           After a good while of Cas’ tongue’s exploration on his ass, he bit and sucked a bruise on the soft meat of Dean’s inner thighs before he took Dean in his mouth again and Dean just have to close his eyes because it’s just too much.

 

           But Cas wasn’t having any of it and slapped Dean’s right ass cheek and he gasped loudly as his eyes shut open and immediately flew down on Cas’ eyes and Cas just stared at him — blue vanishing as the black of his eyes took over and Dean never thought he could ever come that hard in his entire life.

 

... oOo ...

 

           Dean doesn’t know what happened next. All he knows is that he woke up in his bed with a very warm body right next to him.

 

           He turned to lie on his back only to be meet by Cas’ face.

 

 _I could get used to this._  Dean thought and for once, his brain is quiet. Maybe it’s finally agreeing to him.

 

           Dean smiled when Cas scrunched up his face.

 

           “Mngh…” He muttered softly. “No. Rowena, don’t.”

 

           And just like that Dean immediately shut straight up and turned his full body to Cas as he continuously muttering and whispering softly under his breath, seemingly unaffected by the jerking movement of the bed caused by Dean.

 

           “Rowena, don’t. Stop. No, no. Dean. Dean.” Cas continued to whimper softly and Dean decided that now’s the good time to intervene since Cas was now sweating with all his might.

 

           “Cas? Cas. Cas, wake up. It’s me.” Dean shook the guy softly to get him to snap out of it. “Baby, wake up, please. I’m here. You’re safe. I’m here.”

 

           And finally, finally, Cas opened those beautiful blues. “Wh--What happened?”

 

           “You’re dreaming. A nightmare, I guess?”

 

           “I… I don’t remember.”

 

           Cas wiped his face and stared at his palm after. “I’m crying.” He said, amusedly. “Why am I crying?”

 

           “I don’t know.” Dean said, hugging Cas tightly as Cas burrowed himself in Dean’s neck. “Fuck, baby, I’m sorry.”

 

           “Why are you sorry?” Cas asked, blue eyes confused and questioning. “It’s not your fault that I had a nightmare.”

 

           Dean just shook his and hugged Cas tighter, occasionally kissing his forehead and whispering reassurances.

 

           After a while, reality hit Dean like a freight train.

 

            ** _We_** _slept together. Cas and I **slept**  together.  **I**  slept with a soon-to-be-married man._

 

_Holy shit._

 

           He’s going to Hell -- there’s no doubt about it.

 

           “Dean,” Cas said softly, as if trying to prolong the moment of serenity they just had. “what’s wrong?”

 

           “It’s just…” Dean sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. “Fuck. We slept together, Cas.”

 

           “That we did.”

 

           Dean stared at Cas for a long while before the, “Are you kidding me?” inevitably came out.

 

           “No, Dean. The evidence is right here.” Cas said as-a-matter-of-factly, hands gesturing at their naked selves.

 

           “You cheated on Balthazar, Cas! You cheated on your fiancé!”

 

           “No, I didn’t.”

 

           Dean just made the universal ‘what the fuck’ face because that’s exactly how he feels.

 

           Cas seemed to get it, though.

 

           “Balthazar and I, we… have an arrangement.” He said, biting his lower lip. “We’re not exactly the monogamous type of couple. We’re in an open relationship.”

 

           “Meaning?”

 

           “Meaning, he could sleep with whoever he wants and I could sleep with whoever I want.”

 

           “Is that why he was so fucking cool about the kiss he saw?”

 

           Cas simply nodded.

 

           “Well, fuck. That’s just fucked up.”

 

           “What does that supposed to mean?” Cas’s brows furrowed, hint of anger evident in his eyes.

 

           “You guys are getting married and what, you still screw people around? That’s just not how it works, Cas." Dean pointed out, hoping for Cas to see the seriousness of the situation. "What about the people involved? Haven't you guys considered they might  _not_  want to be involved in your fucked relationship?”

 

           Cas just stared at him with a dead expression on his face. 

 

           “I never thought you'd be that kind of guy, Cas. Never pegged you for someone who doesn't care where his dick got stuck on to so long as it was a hole he could fuck."

 

           With one last clenching of his jaw, Cas hopped out of the bed, grabbing his clothes from the other end of the room, naked as the day he was born.

 

           Once he was fully dressed, he grabbed the knob and opened it wide with force that was not of a human's -- or at least, not in Dean’s books.

 

           “Just so you know,” Cas said as he turned from where he stood next to the door. “I don’t just sleep with anyone. In fact, this is the first time I ‘cheated’ on Balthazar. If you can even call it that since, you know, I called it all off last night. Because I really do like you and for once, I wanted something that I would mind sharing with others. But hey, how would you know, right? It’s not like you bothered asking.”

 

           Cas shrugged and Dean can feel a very sharp and pointed pain coursing through him.

 

           “Thanks for the night, Dean. So long.”

 

           And the banging of the door echoed through the four corners of the house.

 

... oOo ...

 

           Dean was frozen from where he’s sat. He kept staring at the door for God knows how long.

 

           Couldn’t see anything but the door where Cas once stood and left.

 

           Couldn’t hear anything but the banging of it echoing in his ear like it just happened.

 

           Dean knows it’s probably been thirty minutes since he’s slammed that door shut.

 

           When Gabriel walked in with his usual stride and mischievous demeanor, Dean finally began to snap out of it.

 

 _He looks like he got laid._  His brain observed nonchalantly.

 

**Could you think of anything _but_  that?**

 

 _What do you want me to think?_ His brain taunted. _That he’s probably gonna kill you after knowing you hurt his brother? Should I imagine scenarios of him icing you a thousand times?_

 

**Shutting up is what I think you could do best at the moment.**

 

_You **think**? Are you  **insulting**  me?_

 

**~~\-----------~~**

 

_What is that?_

 

**My bitch face, you ass!**

 

_Improve it then so I would know even without asking._

 

           “So,” Gabriel blurted out. “Seeing as you are as naked as the day you were born, I believe you got lucky last night?” He smirked and Dean was so down he couldn’t even muster up the energy to be annoyed. “Presumably with my brother, yes?” He waggled his eyebrows and Dean just looked at him before rubbing his face and sighing.

 

           “You sure look drained for someone who got some last night.” Gabriel observed, frowning. “Where’s Cassie, by-the-way?”

 

           “I…”

 

_Hurt your brother? Accused him of being an asshole? Manipulative? Basically told him he’s like a dog in rut? A manwhore?_

 

           “I fucked up.” Dean said, slumping his shoulders and wallowing himself in a never-ending abyss of self-pity and self-loathing.

 

           “Well, that’s bound to happen.” Gabe said, shrugging, like that was a common knowledge.

 

           “Gabe.” Sam chastised. Dean isn’t exactly sure when he came. Or if he ever left the house for that matter.

 

           “What? Even you can say it’s not a surprise. You’re Winchesters. Fucking things up is what you do best.”

 

           Sam gave him a bitchface and the corner of Dean’s lips lifted up just the slightest.

 

           “Why don’t you tell us what happened so we’ll know where to begin with?”

 

... oOo ...

 

           There was this persistent knocking in Cas’ door. And he doesn’t even know why on earth would someone want to go to his house at 8:00PM seeing that his only friends are either Gabriel (who most definitely won’t be the one knocking ‘coz he’d rather get laid than hang out with him) or The Brothers.

 

           Yes, he’s calling them that since The Incident.

 

           He’s really getting dramatic lately, but, well, could you really blame him?

 

           Ever since That, he never left home. Hoping that Dean would come by anytime and Cas just doesn’t want to miss that one.

 

           Don’t get him wrong, he’s still mad at Dean for making him feel inadequate, shameful and downright degraded but…

 

           Well, he kinda understands where he’s coming from.

 

           Cas have had encounters with Balthazar’s ‘escapades’ (for the lack of better term) and well, to say it was nasty was putting it  _lightly_.

 

           Many of them was promised with a lot of sweet — if not clichéd — words from Balthazar and Cas couldn’t blame them. He knows exactly how charming the guy can be when he wants something — he’s experienced it firsthand.

 

           A downright manipulator and Castiel fell for it.

 

           Up until the point that Balthazar told him that they do have an open relationship, Castiel held onto his words like he holds the answer in the universe.

 

           If Castiel’s gonna be honest, he only ever doubted the guy when Dean started to come to the picture.

 

           There’s just something different about him. I mean, Castiel knows he’s, well, from earth, he guess, but Castiel can’t shake the feeling they’re not from  _there_.

 

           That they’re not from his world or something.

 

           Maybe he’s just losing it, after all.

 

           So yeah, being around Dean kinda opened Cas’ eyes or whatever the hell the saying goes. He could tell the guy's loyal. A one-woman-kinda man or in their case, a one-man-kinda man (does that even make sense? nevermind.)

 

           Then as Dean started opening up to him and he started opening up to him, Cas just found himself with nothing to share.

 

           Like, at all.

 

           ‘Coz he doesn’t have memories and most of the things he know was just based on what Balthazar told him and somehow — he doesn’t know whether it was pre-Dean or peri-Dean — he kinda feels as though it doesn’t  _fit_.

 

           Like, ‘yeah, okay, that’s believable but it just don’t feel right.’

 

           Hell, Cas couldn’t even imagine himself being ecstatic at saying yes to Balthazar’s suggestion of open relationship and polyamory.

 

           Not because he’s being a hypocrite but simply because it just doesn’t fit. It doesn’t fit his personality and somehow, even he’s allowed to, he can’t bring himself to sleep with other people (with the exception of Dean, of course, since he’s the exception of all things Cas-related).

 

           And since the persistent knocking still keeps going on and on, Castiel decides that he’ll just put an end to it.

 

           With not much thought to be presentable, Cas went for the door and opened it wide.

 

 _I should’ve put more clothes._  Castiel thought as he was met by the green eyes he’s been waiting to come for almost a month now, three weeks precisely.

 

           He managed to wash off the delighted shock on his face to pull off an annoyed one but before he could perfect it, Dean was already slamming his mouth against Cas’, making him take a few step backwards.

 

           He faintly heard the sound of the door when Dean kicked it as his heartbeat was loud enough to drown all other sounds in his house.

 

           Dean kept pushing him backwards, lips never seem to need to take a break and Castiel felt a hard surface hit his back. Dean then took the opportunity to push him up against the wall and suck bruises on his already bare collarbone.

 

           Cas couldn’t help the wanton moan that escaped him when he felt Dean’s palm on his boxer-clad erection.

 

           “Fuck…” He breathed and Dean just sucked harder and gripped his hair tighter to pull his head further back and expose his neck more.

 

           Castiel was panting and if Dean doesn’t stop anytime sooner, he’ll surely die from cardiac arrest. Not that he’d ever care seeing what Dean and his fucking talented mouth could really do when he’s worked up.

 

           And just when he was ready for more, Dean broke off the hot, tongue-fighting-for-dominance-kiss they were sharing and in that sobering moment, all Castiel could think was how beautiful he was complete wrecked.

 

 _I did that to him_. He thought and the hot feeling turned warm and he felt butterflies swarming around his stomach.

 

           “I’m sorry. I--” Dean knead his hair in frustration. “God! This is not how I want this to be.”

 

           “Excuse me?” Cas said, insult bleeding through his voice.

 

           “Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. I know that look. Please don’t, I—I’m not apologizing for the kiss, god! That’s wonderful, Cas, fucking amazing, I swear. But…” He sighed. “I originally planned to talk to you. You know, like fix things between us not knock on your door and tongue fuck you or something.”

 

           “It’s not unwelcome.” Cas said calmly.

 

           “Good. Wait, what?”

 

           “You’re an idiot, Winchester.”

 

           And there it is again. The smile that looked so fond and filled with awe and warmth. Like, like it was something done before. Castiel doesn’t know why but he strongly feels that he’s been on the receiving end of these looks more times than he could remember.

 

           "The former idea is still pretty much required before the latter could come to pass, I suppose."

 

           “What former idea?” Dean smirk and Cas just gave out his stern, smite-y look as Dean describes it and well, it works all the time.

 

           “Want anything before we sat this down?”

 

           “You got anything stronger than beer? ‘Coz this is definitely gonna be a  _long_  night.”

 

           “Are you trying to get into my pants, Winchester?” Cas asked, smiling widely before he could contain it.

 

           “Do I have to try?” Dean smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

 

           “Well, yeah, you’ve been an ass, after all.”

 

           Dean’s face fell right at that moment and Castiel just gave him a reassuring smile though, it seem to have no effect.

 

           “So, how does vodka sound to you?”

 

… oOo …

 

           “Dean, I thought we agreed to talk, not drink yourself to oblivion in my house.”

 

           Cas was looking at Dean with watchful eyes, steady gaze and a calm, unreadable expression which does nothing to Dean’s anxiety if not deliberately heightened it.

 

           Seriously, it’s bad enough that Dean have to talk about his feelings but like what Gabriel said, ‘If you didn’t tell him, then prepare to stay the hell away from my brother.’ And Dean couldn’t do that. Two years of no Cas were torture enough to lose his mind. He can’t go on living those years again.

 

           So with the third glass of vodka -- or is it fifth? heh, doesn’t matter -- Dean began to spill his guts.

 

           “Okay, okay. Yeesh.” Dean mouthed before downing another glass. “I should probably start with the truth before everything else.”

 

           “Knock yourself out.” Cas said gesturing Dean to go on.

 

           “I love you.” Dean blurted out and Dean was certain there was a pleasant surprise that shadowed over Cas’ eyes before it was back to its placid expression. “I have been for years, Cas. And I haven’t stop for a second.”

 

           Cas just stared with Dean as he was processing it and Dean patiently waited for him to caught on what he just said.

 

           “What—” Cas blurted before closing his mouth again, lips tightening as he does so. “What do you mean for years?”

 

           Dean took a deep breath and let it out.  _Here goes nothing._

 

           “This may sound crazy but believe me, Cas, I’m not delusional, schizophrenic or some psycho that was supposed to be in some institution somewhere.

 

           “My name is Dean Winchester, brother of Sam Winchester and we’re hunters from a parallel universe. This,” Dean gestured around him. “This is where you lock yourself in, Cas. I was in a deep shit and you saved me and took that deep shit as yours and lock yourself here so you would not hurt anyone.”

 

           Dean stared into Cas’ eyes as he wait but when all Cas did was stare back, he took that as his cue to continue.

 

           “You’re an angel, Cas. And I don’t mean that in a sappy way. I mean like  _literally_  an angel, Cas. With wings invisible to humans and badass powers — the whole nine.

 

           “We met at an abandoned barn 8 years ago. At first, I didn’t believe you. I—I hunted things that goes bump into the night. Vampires, wolves, demons, chupacabra — name it and I’ve probably killed it before. We’re great but things get really ugly once we’re involve. I made a deal with a demon and that sent me dying into torn shreds and straight to Hell where I got tortured for 30 straight years.”

 

           Dean let out a deep breath to stifle the shaking in his voice.

 

           “And you saved me. The exact words you said were, ‘I’m Castiel. I’m an angel of the Lord and I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

 

           He smiled fondly at the memory.

 

           “At first it was like a show off and standoffish but through time, I thought it was really awesome.

 

           “After that meeting, you… you were always there. Like my personal guardian angel or something and… and it was nice to know there’s someone other than Sam that I can depend on.

 

           “After you banish Zachariah to help me save Sam from opening Lucifer’s cage — I’ll tell you that in detail next time, don’t worry — you vanished and I thought you were dead or something and when I saw you I was just… I was so happy, Cas. Like,  _really_  happy.

 

           “After that we’ve been through some shit together. Some bonded us more, some torn us apart. But despite losing you for like, four times before this, I always believe you will come back. That you’re just out there somewhere but you’re gonna call one of these days.

 

           “Sometimes, when it gets longer than days, I’d check out for news for anything that might signal that you’re hurt or something. Hit the internet to see if something out of place happened somewhere.

 

           “But after I did all that and still got a pile of nada, that’s when I start to panic. I— In my pursuit of killing Abbadon, I stumble upon something I shouldn’t have. I got the Mark of Cain and took the Blade in my hands after killing Cain and… things just got uglier from that.

 

           “I became a madman. I kill people and felt nothing about it. Like it was the most normal, mundane thing in the world a person could do. Metatron killed me but it only made things worst. I became a demon and I hurt you, left you bleeding in the bunker, the moment you tried to stop me. I hurt Sam, too. So I tried bargaining with Death.

 

           “I asked him to throw me some place safe but you and Sam… Man, you’re just having none of it. You got Rowena, a powerful witch on your leash, roped Charlie into stealing and decoding the Book of the Damned which killed her along the way — but she’s fine now, I mean, she was brought back somehow by Dorothy so, she’s good now — and then Sam went to talk me out of that bargain which ended up with me icing Death.

 

           “And the Mark of Cain was gone. Sam and I waited for something catastrophic but nothing came. We were about to celebrate when we discovered Rowena was on the wind with the Book and you’ve gone missing.

 

           “I let it passed first but when days became weeks, anxiety get the better of me. I looked for you anywhere and everywhere Baby — my car — could take me. Not bothering to sleep sometimes to search for a new lead.

 

           “Soon enough, we ran out of new leads. That’s when Gabriel came in. He’s an angel, too, by-the-way. Your brother, actually. He told us everything — how he saved you from killing Crowley and Rowena’s spell and took you some place safe to heal ‘til you decided to be brought here after feeling the hold of the Mark on you was getting stronger.

 

           “Time passes differently here. An hour on ours is a day on yours and a day on yours is a month on us, yadda yadda yadda. So when Gabriel was out time-travelling looking for a way to rid you of the Mark without unleashing the Darkness, he hadn’t notice that he was out for almost a month already. And that’s when things change here.

 

           “He said your subconscious might’ve rebuild this place to look like Lawrence, the place where the bunker was, so you’d feel at home. He also guess that the Mark might be a part of this universe now and not of you and because of that, it bound you to this universe and that’s why he can’t bring you out of this universe. And we think that's also the reason why you don't remember anything, at all.”

 

           Dean let a deep breath and down another shot of vodka before daring to look into Cas’ eyes.

 

           “That doesn’t answer the reason behind your behavior.”

 

           “Really, Cas?” Dean chuckled. “All that and that’s your takeaway?”

 

           He just simply shrugged.

 

           “I love you for years, Cas, and Balthazar was like, a huge threat ever since I met him before you pulled out the Leviathans and you two were really close and I hate that douchebag for hitting on you. Like,  _literally_ , not-so-subtle hitting.”

 

           Cas just nod, giving nothing of what he feels inside away. He stood up and then look Dean in the eye, “I’m tired. I might need some time to process all this.”

 

**That’s not good.**

 

_But not bad either, all things considered._

 

           “Yeah, sure, uhm, I’ll just grab my coat and I’ll get out of your hair.” Dean stood up abruptly, heading towards the door but Cas grabbed him mid-way, spinning him around before pushing him hard against the wall and kissing him that left Dean feeling like he was burning and would spontaneously combust at the same time.

 

           “I never told you to leave.” Cas said, voice stern and screams dominant, before attacking his neck and sucking bruises on it.

 

           “Y—Yeah, okay.” Dean breathed out, feeling his knees give out.

 

           Dean might be so aroused to think straight, but he’s sure as hell Cas carried him bridal style to his bed.

 

… oOo …

 

            “You’re thinking too loud.”

 

           Dean said as he wrap his arms around Cas a little tighter, the smile on his face after their former activities couldn’t be wiped off despite the worry looming over him.

 

           Come to think of it, this was the first time Dean felt so peaceful and happy (not to mention utterly sated because, really. He knows he’s good in bed and could do this for hours but to  _actually_  do this for  _hours_  and for a handful of rounds? Yeah, surely Cas brings out the ability Dean didn’t even know he really have.) in… well, forever, he guess.

 

           He kissed Cas’ temple and soothingly moved his fingers up and down Cas’ arm as he let out a sigh.

 

           “I know it’s too much and I’m telling you if you need time or space or whatever—”

 

           “No!” Cas shot up from where he was lying in Dean’s chest and looked at him sternly. “You are not giving me space or time or whatever the hell you give people.”

 

           “Whoa, yeesh. Okay, just sayin’ it’s fine by me and no need to worry I might get mad or lose interest in you or something.”

 

           Cas sighed heavily as he turned and placed his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face with both hands.

 

           “Are you kidding me?” Dean blurted out and sat a little closer to Cas. “All that and you really think I’ll leave you if you can’t accept whatever the fuck I just said.”

 

           “I don’t wanna lose you.” Cas said with pleading eyes.

 

           “Cas, you shouldn’t be stealing my lines.” Dean stared at Cas’ eyes and reach for his chin to raise it to eye level when he looked down. “Cas. I love you. I love you when you’re an angel. I love you when you’re human. I love you when you got back however little it is from your grace and I love you even if you messed up, mess up and will mess up. And I’m sure as hell still be loving you even if you don’t have memories of all those.

 

           “I— Between the both of us I should be the one scared of losing someone because, all this, all that I said, to a person like you, it’s pretty fucking surreal if not downright psychopathic.

 

           “And I don’t expect anything from you, Cas. If you want me here, I’ll be here. If you want time, I’ll give you forever. If you want space, I’ll leave as far as you need me to.

 

           “Cas, right now, I’m just so damn happy that you chose to be with me while processing all this. Hell, I don’t even understand how you could be so calm about all this, because man, if it was me, I’d freaked and run for the hills.”

 

           Cas’ lips lifted and slowly, it turned into a full blown smile and Dean’s heart swelled so much he couldn’t help surging forward and owning those lips he’s longed for so long.

 

           “I love you, and just so you know, what just happened is the longest chick flick moment I’ve ever been and if that doesn’t prove to you how much I love you, I don’t know what else would.”

 

           Cas smiled, the one where it reaches his eyes, causing them to twinkle. “And I love you, too, Dean. Honestly, I also do not know why I was so calm and accepting about all this but… there’s something about this that feels right. Like, it really happened and not just something believable. Balthazar’s story about me and us go along those lines. But with your story, I feel like I know now where that fine line between truth and believable lies. And for once, I don’t feel that certain doubt hovering inside me and everything just feels…”

 

           “Right?” Dean asked as a confirmation, smiling as he does so.

 

           “Yes.” Cas said breathlessly then kissed Dean. It was gentle and soft and kind and Dean could feel the love in it.

 

           And yeah, maybe Dean made love with Cas after that kiss but, he’s still not going to admit he described it as that.

 

           And he’s sure as hell that the love of his life would never tell anyone about it.

 

… oOo …

 

           “Dean, relax, okay? Deep breaths, in to your nose, out to your mouth.”

 

           “Jesus, Sammy, stop it, I’m not in labor.”

 

           “Might as well be by the way you're acting.”

 

           Dean send his brother his most endearing bitchface which only made his brother snicker.

 

           “But, seriously, Dean. I’m happy for you. Cas may or may not remember your life before all these but well, you get to keep him.”

 

           “Thanks, Sammy. Just…” Dean bit his bottom lip for a second then continued. “Cas and I, we know he might not be able to get back to our universe so, well, you don’t have to be stuck here and Gabriel already promise to play chauffeur for the rest of our stay here as his wedding gift to us so..”

 

           “Dean, I already told you. I’m not leaving. No one’s on the other side waiting for me, after all. If this universe will be our new home then fine. At least here we get to be normal for once and I’ll take that as a win any day. Which I know you would, too.”

 

           “Yeah, thanks.” Dean wrapped his arm around his brother and gave him a pat on his back. One of the perks of being Sam Winchester’s brother is that no words are needed to be said. He’s smart and sometimes, despite Dean’s begrudgingly agreement, he's smart enough to already know something before you even begin to realize it yourself.

 

           One of the perks Dean also get to have with Cas.

 

           Once Baby arrive, Dean let go of Sam and stood up in his full height and straightened his suit.

 

           He smiled upon seeing his groom and all he could think of was, 'Man, ain’t I a lucky guy.'

 

           After Dean’s revelation ages ago, Cas and him decided to take it slow. To enjoy their sweet time in knowing each other again, falling in love and creating new memories together which Cas adamantly said he will not forget no matter what.

 

           Six months of pure bliss and harmony in their relationship Dean never thought he could have with anyone, Cas asked him to move in with him. And it’s not like it’s even a life-changing event considering Dean’s practically living in Cas’ house.

 

           What surprised Dean, though, was the fact that Cas actually bought a new house for them to call  _theirs_.

 

           “I don’t want you to move in with me.” Cas said. “I want us to move in with each other and so, I thought the best way to do it was buy this house.” He continued. “Balthazar and I have been together for he knows how long and we haven’t even discussed it. I, personally, haven’t even thought of asking him to but with you, I don’t know. It just feels right to call a home with you.”

 

           Cas really doesn’t need to go big on speeches just to ask Dean to move in with him because he’s gonna say yes anyway no matter what but, well, Dean really appreciated the gesture. He really did and didn’t fail to show that appreciation to Cas before, during, and after they moved in.

 

           He might not be a man of words but Dean have other ways to tell Cas how much he loves him.

 

           A year and a half later, when everything was right and settled, Dean popped the question. He was nervous as fuck that day and despite Sam telling him there’s absolutely no valid reason for him to be which Dean totally agrees with, he still couldn’t shake off the feeling.

 

           What if Cas wasn’t ready to go this big yet? What if he messed it up and Cas doesn’t even want to marry let alone marry him exactly? What if Cas doesn’t see Dean as the one he’ll grow old with?

 

           Jesus, all those things he could think of how badly his proposal could go was beyond the worst of all worst case scenarios. So you could imagine how fucking happy he was when Cas said yes.

 

           And Cas was able to pick the perfect rings. It was a silver wedding band with a stone buried deep in the center of it — an emerald for Cas and a sapphire for Dean.

 

           And now, here they are, with Cas, in his dark gray suit and blue tie, walking this makeshift short aisle in the middle of an open field just a couple of minutes away from the bunker and Dean, in his dark gray suit and green tie, waiting for him as they take the next step in their life together.

 

           And Dean could never think of anything more perfect than this.

 

… oOo …

 

           “Honey, I’m home!”

 

           Dean yelled out of pure habit.

 

           A habit he’s developed after being married for three years.

 

 _Three years._  Dean smiled.  _Damn, ain’t I lucky?_

 

           “In here!” He heard Cas answered and his smile grew even wider. He trudged the familiar hallway of their makeshift bunker to reach for their room, excitedly opening the door then frowning as soon as he saw nothing but their clothes on their bed — half folded and stacked neatly, half still on the laundry basket.

 

           “Cas!” He called out but he was met with nothing but silence. “Cas!” He called again, opening door after door after door, looking for his husband.

 

           After ending up with nada, Dean decides it’s about damn time to make some calls, not that it helps his ever so spiking anxiety as the clock continues to tick.

 

           “Hello? Yes, hi. Uhm, this Dean Winchester, husband of Castiel Winchester, just wondering if he’s still there.” — pause — “No? Wait, what? He called in sick? Why?” — pause — “Oh, uh, okay then. Thanks.”

 

           Huh. Why would Cas call in sick? He never calls in sick.

 

           “Hello? Sam? Have you seen Cas?”

 

           “What? No, why?”

 

           “He’s not here and I called the library and said he’s not there either.”

 

           Dean pulled the phone away from his ear when he heard a sudden ruffling sound and his brows automatically went high up when he heard the voice that came after.

 

           “Dean, did you upset my brother again? Because if so, I swear to God—!”

 

           “Jesus, Gabriel, shut up and give me back my phone.”

 

           Another ruffling sound.

 

           “Uh,” Dean said, trying to process what the fuck just happened. “You with Gabriel? Why?”

 

           “He, uh, he needed something. I mean, we’re working on how to bring Cas back to our universe. Yeah, that’s — that’s what we’re doing, I mean, what else could we be doing apart from that, right?” Sam babbled on in a hurried voice and Dean would’ve dug out more on this if he wasn’t on the clock looking for his husband.

 

           “Uh-huh. Okay, uhm, anyway, could you help me? In looking for Cas, I mean.”

 

           “Yeah sure, just let us get dressed. I mean,  _me_. Let  _me_  get dressed because Gabriel’s already dressed, I mean, why would he be naked, anyway, right? That’s just nuts.” Sam said with a nervous laugh at the end and Dean swore to dig up more on this after bringing his husband home.

 

           “O…kay. Uhm, just meet me at Biggersons’ at 7.”

 

           “Yeah, okay,”

 

… oOo …

 

           Cas smiled as he was folding their clothes.

 

           To some, it may look as if he just lost his mind ‘coz, really, who the fuck smiles dopily while folding their husband’s underwear?

 

           Him, apparently.

 

           And he wasn’t even sorry about it.

 

           Up until this point, it still feels as surreal as a fucking dream can get. Being married to the man he loves more than his own life and being loved back by said man despite all the bullshit he’s done and forgotten? Yeah, definitely like a dream.

 

           So surreal, he’d rather stay in this dream than meet reality.

 

           Because, life without Dean is life Cas cannot survive.

 

           “Honey, I’m home!”

 

           Cas smiled widely, the kind where he starts to feel his cheeks ache and knows his gums are out in the open. Ever since Dean came to his life, Cas noticed he’s been smiling more and more like this for as long as he could remember.

 

           Well, not really remember, per se, since he cannot remember his life before all this happened but, it was definitely a long time, that’s for damn sure.

 

           Yes, this smile is definitely exclusive for Dean Winchester only.

 

           After making things official and exchanging ‘I do’s’  three years ago, it never felt as though time passed. Suddenly, the thought of things wearing off after a year of being married seemed so foolish and downright stupid.

 

           Yes, their relationship changed but not the ‘wearing off’ kind of change, more of a ‘getting stronger and stronger each day’ kind of change which had Cas thanking his lucky stars and whoever or whatever else is up there for being so kind and giving him such a wonderful man he’s gotten married to.

 

           “In here!” He yelled back, putting the folded clothes on his left and practically jumped to reach for the door.

 

           Cas was never prepared enough for what’s on the other side of it, though.

 

… oOo …

 

           “The fuck?”

 

           Cas couldn’t help but blurt out as he took in what’s in front of him.

 

           Surely it was still the bunker — same halls and doors Dean described as an exact copycat of the original.

 

           Not long before they said ‘I do’, Cas and Dean agreed that the place where they wanted to start the new chapter of their life in was the bunker. Cas knows it would make Dean feel more at home and Cas only wants whatever would make Dean happy, considering the sacrifice he’s already done and still doing when he decided to be with him.

 

           So yeah, Cas knows it was their bunker but something was really off.

 

           It was eerily quiet. Like no one’s there — or been there for a long time and that’s just nuts ‘coz Cas was sure as hell he heard Dean called a while a back.

 

           “Dean.”

 

           He called opening the door he just came from and tilting his head the way Dean always tease him as adorable upon seeing the clothes he just folded was not sitting on the bed.

 

           Yes, the bed. Because  _their_  bed was covered in green and blue sheets and pillows, not plain white and military-looking.

 

           “What the—” Cas gape. “Dean!” He called. “Dean!” Louder. “Dean!” More urgent. “Dean!”

 

           Panic started to make a home inside Cas’ chest. He wandered the similar yet different halls of the bunker, unsure of what he’ll see and find.

 

           Suddenly, voices emerged out in the distance and so voices Cas followed until he found Dean sitting on the edge of the map table, back turned on him.

 

           “Dean, what the fuck? I’ve been calling you for hours, didn’t you hear me?” Cas angrily spat out, though was more of worry and panic than anger itself.

 

           “I’m sorry, Cas. You can’t stay here.” Dean said, back still on him.

 

           “The fuck are you talking about?” Cas said grabbing for his arm and gasping loudly when his hand just passed through.

 

           “Oh fuck. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck.”

 

           Cas chanted as he kneaded his hair.

 

 _Did I die?_  Cas thought.  _Did I fell off the stairs as I tried to reach for Dean?_  Then he suddenly remembered that he only made it pass the door of their room.

 

           He moved a bit and looked over Dean’s shoulder to see who he’s staring at.

 

           And boy did things only got crazier after that.

 

… oOo …

 

           Cas stood there, watching Dean talk to… well, him.

 

           He knows it was crazy but that’s definitely him. Same sex hair, same blue eyes, wearing a red hoodie while holding a half-eaten burrito as Dean tells him that he can’t stay.

 

           He knows that one. He remembered Dean told him that scenario ages ago before any proposal was even made. It was the time he became a human and fell and Dean has to tell him to leave because Gadreel told Dean to do so.

 

           He stood there and watched as he saw himself walk out of the bunker and a stray tear fell off Dean’s eye.

 

           He stood there as the scenery changed and showed him in a Gas n’ Sip uniform with a nameplate written Steve on the left side of his chest and arguing with Dean about how he doesn’t want to come with Dean and deal with whatever it is he’s hunting that time.

 

           He stood there for he doesn’t know how long until he felt a strange pull in his stomach and suddenly, he felt that something changed. He was still in the bunker but he knows something changed.

 

           He heard voices from the distance and he didn’t bothered hiding since he’s been lingering there like a ghost for God knows how long so he just stayed where he was and watch as two girls came to view, one blonde and the other red.

 

           “Did Gabriel said anything about when exactly is he going to come for us? We already missed the wedding and I’m already dying to see the newlyweds!” The redhead said exasperatedly raising her arms as if to prove a point.

 

           Cas tilted his head at the sense of familiarity he got upon seeing these two. He can’t shake off the feeling they’ve already met. Like the feeling he got first time he laid eyes on Dean.

 

           “Trust me, I know. But Gabriel said next week so we should probably to just sit tight and be a dear ‘til next week comes.”

 

           The blonde turned and looked at him. Cas gaped because she looked at him, not through him. He looked at his back and saw no one there and that just confirmed his theory.

 

           “Oh my god, Cas!” The redhead squealed and Cas would’ve placed his hands on his ear if he wasn’t dumbstruck with shock. “You’re back. I can’t believe it you’re back! Where’s Dean? When did you guys got back?”

 

           “I…” Cas closed his mouth and opened it again. “You can see me?” He asked disbelievingly.

 

           “Of course, silly.” The redhead waved him off. “C’mere.” And as Cas prepare himself from the upcoming awkward hug from a stranger, he felt a sudden pull and the faces of the two women were the only thing he sees before everything went blank.

 

… oOo …

 

            Love, Dean now know, is not just about caring deeply or feeling deeply for someone.

 

           It's not about worrying about them or constantly thinking what they might be up to, doing or eaten.

 

           No, love is about going beyond insanity thinking said person left you.

 

           And that's exactly how he felt after hours and hours searching for Cas.

 

           "I think we should call it a night." Said Sam. "We've been out here for hours who knows if Cas already got back home."

 

           The protest in Dean's head was ready but Sam is right.

 

           It also doesn't hurt to rest his eyes for a while before getting back to find missing Cas — if he ever was missing.

 

           So Dean just shut his cakehole and rode shotgun, tossing Sam Baby's keys. He leaned in the window and sighed heavily. 

 

          _What the fuck happened? I know I heard him call out to me._ Dean thinks. _Did a demon got him? Could a demon even teleport to a parallel universe? What if he was hurt? What if something happens to him? What if —_

 

           "He'll be fine, Dean." Sam said, not even bothering to glance at Dean but he sure gave out a soft smile. "For all we know he's already aslept on your bed back in the bunker."

 

           Dean sighed again and hoped that Sam was right.

 

           And boy, was the relief Dean felt when Sam turned out to be right.

 

           And right then and there, Dean knew.

 

           He was more than just madly in love with his angel.

 

… oOo …

 

           "This isn't working." Dean said as Cas was busy straddling on his lap. And oh god! How the fuck did Cas manage to pull off that look?

 

           Dean knows well that sex could be frustrating. But it could only ever be frustrating when you don't have a hole to put your dick in (ehem, sorry for being so blatant, ehem ehem). And not because you can't fucking get it up. And no,  Dean knows it firsthand that Cas has no fucking problem on getting it the fucking hell up.

 

           It could get as high up as the sky could get. That's how impressive he was.

 

           Fuck, pardon Dean he's horny as fuck.

 

           But nothing frustrates and kills his boner more (well, apart from those times Gabriel and Sam walked in on them, of course) than to see how limp and equally frustrated Cas is.

 

           If it was only _this_ time, he'll shrug the fuck out of it and sweep it off under the rug. But no.

 

           It's the friggin' nth time of the second week since he MIA-ed.

 

           Second week after the confirmation that Cas, indeed, travelled back Dean's universe.

 

           "What isn't?" Cas asked and Dean, as much as he doesn't want Cas to stop but since his mood was already killed, held Cas' hips 'til they halt their movements and stop.

 

           By then, Dean stared straight into Cas' eyes and he knows that Cas knows what follows.

 

           "What's wrong, baby?"

 

           God, if Sam hears him playing Dr. fucking Phil, he'd never let him live it down.

 

           And of course, Cas took the I-have-no-idea-what-you're-talking-about-Dean route than the truth.

 

           "Stop giving me that look, Cas. You and I both know that won't work." Dean emphasized with a firm hold on Cas' hips. "So you either talk right here and now, or I'll be forced to tie you up and I assure you, it will not be fucking sexy."

 

           Cas pulled off the angry fuck-you-Dean-expression and asked, "Is this because I don't feel like having sex with you?"

 

           Oh god, Dean really wanted to rub his face with both of his hands but that means he'll have to let go of Cas' hips and letting go of that hips means no talking about the problem plus a week of being treated like an air and a stranger so, Dean stood his ground and said, "This is about all those fucking times I asked you what's wrong but all you did was made-out with me and hey I'm not complaining but we _need_ to talk, Cas! You yourself told me that communication is the key."

 

           "Dean," Cas huffed annoyingly. "There's nothing wrong. If you just let me, I promise I won't let you sleep with blue balls."

 

           "My blue balls is my problem, Cas — "

 

           "So as me being not in the mood was mine, Dean."

 

           Cas stared back at him with no nonsense expression and that's when Dean knew that drastic times are calling.

 

           "Alright, fine. If it's your fucking problem, then maybe I should just leave you with it." Dean stood up, abruptly but still very gently taking Cas' ass off his lap and heading straight towards the coat rack to put on his leather jacket and opened the door. He stopped only for a moment to say, "I won't be home 'til you're ready to talk. When you are, you know where to find me." then shut the door and started the Impala to hit the road.

 

           That was a fucking week ago. And still, no phone calls from Cas. Son of a bitch didn't even bothered texting a fucking hi/hello.

 

           Like Dean leaving him was nothing.

 

           While Dean was already beating himself up internally for doing such a dick move.

 

           And wow, the times Dean actually reached his phone to dial Cas' number or text him before getting mad that he was the one about to contact first and throwing his phone across the wall could get him a fucking Guiness.

 

           Dean got really annoying that Sam realized living with Gabriel is better than living with Dean. Traitor.

 

           So here he is, drunk his ass off sitting in the kitchen floor with his back on the cabinet under the sink. And it's just Monday.

 

           Wow. No one could get any more pathetic than him.

 

           The Jack isn't just doing it for him, though, and he was only in the right kind of tipsy when someone decided to knock on the door.

 

           "Fuck you, Sam!" He yelled. "Locked outside is what you get for ditching me for that asshole, you bitch."

 

           But the knocking was just persistent and wow, Dean's really not in his hospitable mood right now so pardon him if he answered the door with knitted eyebrows and evident pissed off look.

 

           The knocker, though, had puffy red eyes that's ruining their beautiful baby blues and threw themselves crying on Dean's shoulder.

 

           "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry." The knocker chanted and all Dean could do is wrap his arms real tight around him and breathe in the scent of honey and cinnamon he really fucking missed.

 

           "Dean, I'm sorry. I should've called sooner — "

 

           "Yeah,  you should've."

 

           "I should've talked to you about it because—because you're right, communication is key and—and you're my husband and my problem is yours as much as your blue balls was mine."

 

           Dean couldn't help the chuckle that got out from his mouth and only then he noticed that he shed a few tears himself as well and hugged Cas even tighter than possible.

 

           "I love you, Cas. And I'm sorry I left like a fucking asshole but if you're not talking to me then what's the point of me being there, right?"

 

           Cas nodded his agreement and said, "I understand why you did it. If you hadn't done so, I won't be able to realize that my silence about the subject is hurting you more than it's hurting me."

 

           Dean turned to face Cas and stroke his face lovingly, "I know how much you hate it when I keep things that's bothering me from you and that works two ways, baby."

 

           "I know." Cas said before burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck again. "I know."

 

           The two stayed like that for what felt like hours, not caring one bit about the cold night air outside.

 

           "You stink." Cas broke off, making his adorable wrinkled-nose, disgusted face.

 

           Dean laughed, "That I do."

 

           "Shower?" Cas asked. Dean just raised his eyebrow at that and Cas immediately followed a hurried, "We'll talk after, I promise."

 

           Dean just smiled and held his beloved's hand tight, leading him to the shower as Cas closed the door behind them.

 

           And Dean knows whatever happens in this shower, Cas will follow through said promise.

 

           He's good at promises like that.

 

… oOo …

 

           They were lying down in bed after the shower they just shared.

 

           Oh how Dean missed to be this close to Cas again.

 

           Cas was drawing patterns on his chest when Dean felt the urge to tilt his head upwards and kiss him senseless.

 

           Cas hummed and smiled in between kisses. "What was that for?" He asked, eyes brighter than the fucking sun in the dark and Dean realized he could be the next Edgar Allen Poe.

 

           He shrugged nonchalantly as he placed his nose on Cas' hair and breathe in the cinnamon scent Cas always seem to have. "Nothing." Dean smiled, holding Cas tighter. "I just..."

 

           "Missed me?" Dean swore he could hear the smug smile in Cas' tone. And he felt it, too.

 

           "Yeah, you asshole."

 

           Cas just chuckled and it died a couple of moments later.

 

           "I'm starving." He said, out of nowhere. "Do you have anything I can work with in the kitchen?"

 

 _This is it_ , Dean thought. "Nothing much, I'm afraid. How does pasta sound to you?"

 

           "Well, I'm afraid it will suffice." He smiled, kissing Dean slowly and softly before dragging himself out of bed and disappearing into the kitchen.

 

… oOo …

 

           "So... what is it?"

 

           Cas was finished cooking spaghetti from scratch and was now twiddling his fork on it. He looked up from where his eyes were glued on the pasta and they were of the expression that he didn't heard Dean. Dean was just about to repeat what he said when Cas proved him wrong.

 

           "I'm afraid." Cas' first sentence which took him a while to follow. "I'm afraid that we'll be able to find a way to get me back and I became a total stranger in the world I've forgotten. I'm afraid it won't work and nothing would and you'll realize that you can't stand to be literally worlds apart from the people you call family and love so dearly. I'm afraid that whatever happened three weeks ago won't happen again and you'll get stuck here with me with all these people The Mark have created to make me happy." He sighed heavily and slumped his shoulders forward, making him look so small that Dean just had to stand up and kneel beside him.

 

           "Cas, you're my everything. And I don't say that just to be sappy, it's true. I'm literally nothing without you if what you've seen earlier wasn't a good of an evidence as to what I just said. Everyone in my universe knows that and fuck they would throw me out back here instead of having to deal with my brooding ass if I ever got out of here without you. And besides, I could still see them whenever I want. It'll just be like I was abroad visiting my hometown.“ Dean finished off with a weak reassuring smile as he continuously rub circles on Cas' hand.

 

           "But what if the rift closed and you can't go there anymore?"

 

           "Cas, Gabriel made that rift to never ever be closed."

 

           Cas just looked down at their intertwined fingers and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry for being stupid sometimes."

 

           "Hey, you're the one who have to put up with me so I think we're even to say the least."

 

           Cas just smiled wide and cupped Dean's face to kiss him.

 

           "You're mine, Cas." Dean said when the kiss broke off. "And no matter what happens, I stick beside what's mine."

 

           Cas just hummed before smiling widely and laughing his ass off.

 

           "What?" Dean said, can't help not to chuckle with Cas.

 

           "Nothing. It just..." The look in Cas' eyes immediately changed, as if someone flicked off his switch. "Sounded so... _alpha_."

 

           Oh god, that did _not_ just went straight to his dick, oh god.

 

           And if Dean have been the one to pull Cas off the chair and threw him on Sam's bed and if they went at it like bunnies in heat, well, Sam seriously doesn't need to know.

 

… oOo …

 

           It’s official.

 

           Dean Winchester is America’s new Martha Stewart.

 

           Fuck everyone who dare say otherwise and Sam could just laugh it all up on how Dean managed to _single-handedly_ — mind you — do every single dish on the table (yes, even the salad that Dean actually learned to cook and perfected for Sammy, the ungrateful bitch, which he would only be staring at and not be able to taste for all his life ‘coz hey, payback’s a bitch, bitch.) but he couldn’t care less so long as Cas looks at him like _that_.

 

           Like Dean was the reason why the sun shines and Cas’s actually grateful to him for that.

 

           Doesn’t matter if Dean sets the table wearing that stupid apron with bees — a male bee ( _It’s a drone, Dean_ ) holding a sign saying “Bee Mine” while a female bee ( _Probably their queen._ ) was kissing the male bee’s cheek — that set both his brother and brother-in-law into a snickering fit so long as Cas was happy and Dean would kill anyone — except Sammy, ‘course, _pfft_ — for that look to never ever _ever_ be wiped out of his husband’s face.

 

           They were good now. After the minor hiccup coupla months ago, Dean and Cas got better. Sure Cas’s still anxious about trying — consciously, this time — to go back to their universe but well that’s understandable.

 

           Hell, Dean might be all tough and confident bravado but he’s scared of everything that might happen. And you know him; always-thinking-of-the-worst-case-scenarios just have to be his middle name.

 

           So for some unspoken agreement, all four of them decided to not try anything until after the first week of January has passed. Cas might not actually say it out loud but Dean knows he’s grown attached to this pretty little world he and The Mark created (and Dean is, too, he’s just, well, too proud to admit it, I guess. Don’t ask him why.) and leaving it for the real one would be hard and sad altogether.

 

           Like your parents decided to leave the town where all your friends were for the big city full of strangers.

 

           Yeah, that kinda sucks.

 

           Dean’s focused returned when Cas turned to look at him and **fuck, he just _can’t_ breathe**.

 

 **How’s it possible that I still feel this way for him? We’re nearing our** **4 th** **wedding anniversary, for crissakes.**

 

_It’s because you’re in love with him, you ninny. We’ve talked about this, remember? Stop questioning it._

 

           Dean could only give his brain an internal condescending frown because well, can’t argue with his brain’s logic there, honest.

 

_At last!!!!! You finally **learned** your lesson._

 

**I’d shoot you if you don’t stop smirking, ya lil’ shit.**

 

_Oh, sure go ahead, let’s see how Cas would take it._

 

           Dean physically frowned this time because while this makeshift shit doesn’t have supernatural in it, their world does and _holy shit what if I die? What if **Cas** die? What if the supernatural attacked him and he can’t defend himself? What if Dean became rusty from all this domesticity bullshit and he can’t fight back, much less protect Cas? What if __—_

 

           “Dean? Are you okay?”

 

           Dean looked up as he felt the hand on his shoulder and sure enough Cas was there, looking all worried and concerned. Hell, even Sammy and Gabe looked worried and, well, Sammy get worried all the time but Gabe? Yeah, that’s kinda new.

 

_Fuck, way to ruin the mood, Winchester. Kudos to you, brotha._

 

           “Hey, hey, none of that.” Cas said, hands on both sides of Dean’s face. “You didn’t ruin anything, okay? I love you and whatever concerns you concerns me. Concerns _us_. Communication, remember?”

 

           Dean could only nod as the lump on his throat grew bigger. “I’m fine.” He croaked, followed by a reassuring smile that probably looked more like a grimace and hell, Dean wasn’t surprise _at all_ that Cas didn’t look convinced because even Dean wouldn’t buy that bullshit.

 

           He calmed himself down before looking at Cas again and saying, “I’m fine.”, squeezing his hand from where it is hidden under the table as a silent promise that he’ll tell him everything.

 

           They’ve gotten good at this if Dean’s being honest. Thinks he could finally make Dr. Phil unemployed and could make a run for his money that he and his husband would be better than him by hundred miles long.

 

           He smiled at that thought and decided that today’s not the day he would let his pessimism ruin something so perfect such as his third Thanksgiving with his husband.

 

… oOo …

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> (Advance? Belated? Sorry we don't really celebrate Thanksgiving here in the Philippines) Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!!!!!
> 
> jesus. it's been so long and I am so so sorry.
> 
> is anyone still here? anyway, thank you for those who are patiently waiting for this fic update. I vow to myself to finish this this year because a year of letting this sit it's ass here is just a cruel thing.
> 
> anyway, leave kudos and comments about what you think and hey,
> 
>  
> 
> you're appreciated ;)


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